


The Oracle

by SheSaidMockingly



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flirty Hux, Fluff, Gen, Hux Fluff, Hux is Not Nice, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote a steamy non-consent chapter about Hux... I can't believe I wrote that..., Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Keep Reading - It's getting better, Kylo Fluff, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren Throws A Tantrum, Mild Language, Non-Canon Relationship, Original Character(s), Other, POV Third Person, Romance, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sexual Tension, Sexy Fluff, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Some Humor, Someone Sasses Kylo Ren, Strong Female Characters, creepy hux
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-07-11 03:01:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7024780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheSaidMockingly/pseuds/SheSaidMockingly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A possession of the First Order since childhood, the oracle is consulted to help train Kylo Ren. Gifted with a mastery of force visions and a talent with exploring and breaking minds, she must take on the deeply dark and conflicted manling Kylo Ren. Few have ever been so close to the violent commander of the Knights of Ren, certainly not into his mind, into his heart...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ****THIS WORK IS ON HIATUS****

He paced, slow but visibly agitated, outside the closed door.  Black robes sweeping at each heeled turn, quiet, mechanical breaths growing heavier with each trip back and forth across the unusually wide door. With his own helmet, he appeared to have mostly resolved the pickup of unnecessary sounds that his predecessor had been infamous for, preventing the constant heavy breathing. A metallic click broke relative silence and the man stopped mid step, his back to the door, and listened as the familiar soft swish signaled that the doors to the suite were open. His taught shoulders and rigid stance visibly relaxed. He paused, taking a steady, deliberate, breath then turned and walked to the doorway standing just barely inside the room, allowing the doors to softly close behind him.

“Commander Ren.”  A soft, low, distinctly female, voice came from a robed figure sitting cross-legged in the center of the dimly lit dome-shaped room, facing away from the door. Accepting the invitation inside, he slowly walked the perimeter of the large room, casting intermittent shadows as he passed each of the floor lights, circling the hooded figure.

               “Tell me where they are going” He demanded, the tension in his voice was palpable and far out of place in the serene space.

“There are so many other things you don’t know though. Perhaps you’d like to discuss how you lost it in the first place, or why you’re looking for it at all.” the woman said evenly, her gaze hooded and downcast, her expression shadowed by a large distinctive cowl. She heard a sharp exhale, the scrunch of leather clad fingers digging into gloved palms. She could feel every fiber of his consciousness constrict and bind back on itself.

               “No – that’s all I need to know” He said tersely. The Oracle, or that seemed to be her main function, her expertise, was considered a non-combatant member Knights of Ren. Obtained from a village, young, not much younger than Kylo Ren himself, the Oracle had been found to be particularly sensitive to visions of both past and future. Her training halted at a relatively young age when her talent was discovered and consequently “protected”.   
  
               “I would think a great knight such as yourself would be able to find it on your own. If you were able to wrangle that temper of yours maybe you wouldn’t need my help.” He glared at her openly, now she was flat out mocking him.

“Tell me where the droid is.” He edged on a loss of patience. She could see the swelling aura of anger, pain, and frustration. She could feel the conflict and rage in his gaze, in his every move. This brash, damaged, man-child that stood before her was unwilling to engage. Her attempts to move him to discussion were regularly met with similar resistance.

She inhaled deeply, her shoulders straightened as if to sigh. Instead she tilted her chin up, just enough to light the bottom half of her face. She had full lips enhanced further by pale unmarred skin, protected by her interred meditation and role as advisor on Starkiller.  She wasn’t by any mean omnipotent, but she could catch pieces of things, he happened to ask her about something she was able to track down. “Western Reaches, Inner Rim.” The resignation in her voice was almost indiscernible; she allowed the emotion to pass through her lips along with the words, believing the man who stood before her to be incapable of processing or understanding it. He failed to understand or control his own feelings, how could he possibly understand what little she allowed him to see. He turned to leave, no thanks given to the indentured servant of the First Order. She gently exhaled, closing her eyes to re-enter her meditative state when she heard his footsteps stop.

“Do not mistake your sight for understanding, Oracle”, He watched her from the doorway, declaring his superiority and lashing back against her almost too familiar attempts to coax him into discussing his temper, his past, his conflict, whatever it was that she had seen.

Her eyes flicked open once more and she looked down and to the side, her chin up to her apples of her cheeks visible in the bright hall lights. “Commander Ren” She addressed him, her voice strong enough to carry clearly “Do not for one second think I’m not aware of the man beneath that mask.” Her thoughts passed to him, her tone direct and forceful aimed to his very core  - _I can see you Commander Ren, I see your conflict, your anger, I see-_

“Enough” The angry command issued through the voice modulator, she silenced her thoughts and returned her gaze to the wall. He stood for another moment then took a slow step away to stand just outside the doorway. The doors began to slide close and he just barely caught her defiant bid goodbye.

“Commander Ben.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and the Oracle have a disagreement and the come up with a new arrangement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now I have a better premise and plot, it was a struggle day but it's there. This chapter may feel a bit cumbersome but there's set up to be had when the writer has no idea what is going on. I'm simply happy someone read it and was kind enough to say they enjoyed it. I've got a free evening so I'll be writing some more today. I work an awful lot during the week so reminder - no expectations should be formed based on any perceived consistency. However, I do love doing this... (CHAPTER UPDATED 7/23/16)
> 
> Amaturely Yours - M

The Oracle sat on the floor at the edge of the lounge room, her back against the large window that ran along the rounded wall of her comfortably furnished suite. Her internment kept her confined to what might otherwise be considered lavish accommodations. Her personal quarters consisted of a four room suite made up of a large windowless domed meditation room at the entrance. A narrow door to the right of the meditation room led to three additional rooms.

The first room, of multi-function, contained a small round table and seating for two,(though she was rarely afforded the luxury of company) , a lounge space with a deep low sofa in a soft grey natural fabric that faced a wall length holo-screen. The second and third rooms consisted of a bathroom and bedroom, a large bed with black coverings sat opposite another large floor-to-ceiling window looking out into darkness, interrupted only from time to time when few ships passed in and out of sight on their way into the base.

The Oracle extended her bare arm out over her bent knee, her elbow resting just at the cap, a small holo disc in her hand. She turned it over and over in her hand then stopped and clicked a button on the side, a tiny planet-like object floating before her. It looked like star-killer but there was so much less organic matter, the large metal eye at its center, threatening and ominous.

Hearing a familiar set of six clicks echoing from the next room, she sighed, stood and set the holo down on the table at the center of the room and reached for her cloak. In her own room alone her arms and legs were bare, a simple fitted piece of clothing covered what modesty she considered proper. On rare excursions she would wear floor length tunic or wrap from her minimal wardrobe, along with the requisite hooded cloak she wore for all outside interactions. She heard the doors begin to slide open and she pulled her hood up over her plaited hair, already feeling the hum of another mind entering the space. This consultation wasn’t a request, he wasn’t waiting as he normally did, not respecting the silence and meditation she was required to keep.

“Commander Ren” She said mildly, striding into the meditation room as the doors closed behind him. He was already at the center of the room. She began to circle him slowly, barefoot, her eyes shadowed by the cowl. Her gazed dropped to his hands, the knuckles of his gloves torn and bloodied. His barely contained rage swarmed just beneath his skin like fire through his veins. She looked up to his masked face as he addressed her.

“Oracle-” He began

“Aren’t we in a state today Commander Ren…” She said cutting him off, ignoring his fevered words and the tremor of anger at her interruption.

“It wasn’t there. You have failed to accurately locate the resistance faction.” He said flatly ignoring her in return. He watched her circle him, feeling less in a position of power with each passing step, like baited bear watching the sword bearer. She paused, not turning to face him, instead watching the closed doors to the outside hall.

“You failed to find the resistance faction in the location I provided.” She retorted smoothly, sensing his reaction as a deep burn in her chest. She felt his shame, his anger, the path he chose, a downward spiral towards violence spreading rapidly from thought to action.

It took four long strides for him to reach her, his lightsaber crackling to life. She couldn’t keep from flinching a fraction of an inch as he reached her, his heaving chest inches from her shoulder.

“Perhaps if you are unable to provide useful information, you are of no use to the Order.” The mechanical voice threatened, between the pops and cracks of the blade that hovered at the small of her back. This was new for him, he’d never been wholly kind or even civil during their interactions but he’d never been openly violent towards her. As a result, she was quite honest about taking liberties in their discussions, pushing him, taking out her spite or boredom on the beautifully dark and twisty young man.  

“Angry….” she began accusingly, still not looking at him, her own anger and frustration beginning to show “Tempestuous…” Her own teeth gritted as she fought her own reaction to his outburst,  “Unstable…” her words became calmer, but ran with an electric current to Kylo Ren’s ears. “Brash… Boy.” She finished inclining her head slightly towards him, a sliver of her face and pale grey eyes visible, staring defiantly at him.

“Insults will not deter me.” He stated, managing to imbue his words with cold authority. He caught a small twitch at the corner of her lips as her chin turned up and away from him a fraction of an inch. “You will need to offer more service to the cause if you intend to remain a protected resource.” He continued, the smirk vanished as she fully returned her gaze to the door.

It had been years since he had seen her face. She was already the Oracle when he had joined the Order, but at her younger age, her freedoms had been somewhat less restricted. She was still training in some other arts for a short time before she was unceremoniously removed from public view. He remembered a girl several years younger than himself being escorted away from the Supreme Leader by a group of never less than six storm troopers. A cloaked, sure-footed, deft, small figure with pale grey eyes and dark hair plaited in multiple braids and pinned at the back of her neck, no older than fourteen at the time. The woman in her mid-twenties that stood before him now carried with her the weight of knowledge he would never know, that he could not access himself. He saw in her gifts, in her defiance of him, the potential to quell his own imbalance, his own doubts.

“Of course, Commander Ren.” Her voice carried softly but clearly “My only wish is to serve the Order.” He hesitated for a moment, unsure of the sincerity of her reply. Her mind was difficult for him to access, her particular gifts kept him from being a mental match for her. She took a step forward, leaving him without being dismissed. Insulted at the disrespect, his arm shot out, leather gloved fingers clenching down on her bare wrist she froze, but he sensed no fear in her. Her muscles tensed as she reflexively pulled her captured hand up and away from him, careful not to back into the crackling blade at her back.

“You require counsel.” She spoke firmly, struggling to keep the natural mockery from her insistent words. “You are _brash_ , _unstable_ , and _angry_.” She punctuated each of the words she had previously spoken to him, enforcing the truth in them.

“I-“ He began, loosening his grip on her wrist. Her muscles relaxed, feeling the resignation creeping into the imposing figure beside her. She saw the crack of uncertainty, of weakness and confusion in him. She felt the glimmer of acceptance, the possibility that he might – “It will not be necessary for you to personally consult on these matters anymore.” He said flatly, dropping her hand and lowering his lightsaber to his side. “You will send directives and advice on military matters directly to General Hux.”

“However…” She began for him, already sensing a continuation, but careful not to tread on the power he held at the moment.

He paused considering the command-request that beckoned just behind his lips, balancing his pride with the chance to rid himself of his temptations, to calm the storm within him.  “You will provide meditative counsel.” He the mechanical voice commanded, then his tone darkened, almost threatening “Seeing as you find me – lacking.”  She looked up at him as he turned to leave, the hissing red blade disappearing into the metal hilt in his hand.

She walked to the center of the room, moving a moment after he made to leave. “Yes Commander Ren”. He paused at her acceptance and continued out and down the hall. She watched him go, remembering him as she first saw him. A tight shouldered teenager, dark eyes robbed of sleep and serenity, reporting to the supreme leader after battle, his cloak still smoking and smelling of ash, his boots splattered with mud and blood. She remembered the heat, the searing rage that emanated from his gaze. She felt his emptiness, his sorrow, the betrayal he felt and the betrayal he felt he had dealt upon others. She felt his righteous fury and his deep commitment to the Order. The storm within him was unavoidable to the young Oracle, rolling over her like thunder, striking into her very core like lightning. She had stared right into his unmasked eyes, dark and threatening, and had not looked away. He remembered her gaze.

 He remembered that she had seen him as he rid himself of what remained of Ben Solo.

She remembered the small part of himself that he hid away on his journey into the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren the Oracle have their first session - she presses him, nothing productive really happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erh mer gehrrd! I wrote another chapter! I'm surprised too, and on a work day and I managed the most VAGUE of outlines for the next several chapters. Can only be signal of apocalypse that so much was accomplished in a single day. There's a certain amount of tenuously mild, restrained, and vaguely mature Kylo Ren here... I promise a return of the angry, disturbed, Man-Child we all know and love. (EDITED 7/24/16)
> 
> Madly Yours - M

Two masks stared at one another. In Kylo Ren’s darkly lit personal chambers, he faced all that remained of his ancestor Darth Vader.

_She can see so much, she’s gifted where I am not, she may show me what you can’t... Perhaps…_ His thoughts trailed off. He often wondered why he was burdened with such doubts, why the call to the light had persisted, though he had proved himself repeatedly. Sorrow and guilt crept into his heart as the faces of his childhood friends passed through his mind.

“ _Ben?…Ben!”_ he remembered the terrified voice of a young girl screaming his name. He closed his eyes, his brows knit as the image of fallen bodies in the rain. He remembered his own trepidation, the burning rage that had allowed him to overcome it. Ren stood, shaking off the memory and turned on heel sweeping out of the room towards the Oracle.

The Oracle was waiting for him, as this had become an agreed upon training rather than the randomly violent visits that generally proceeded or preceded some military crisis. She sat, centered, in the softly lit room as the doors slid open. He shifted uncomfortably and stepped inside the doors, they closed behind him.

“Been having a rough morning Commander?” She asked raising her gaze to meet his, almost immediately regretting the rudeness of her question. She caught flashes of heavy rain, violent slashes of red and screams, she felt him grow tense as he felt the invasion into his mind. He said nothing but walked to the center of the room and sat several feet in front of her, his back to the door. She felt him probing her mind, likely seeking to know whatever fear or feeling she had, certainly to use it against her. “It must be frustrating not being able to decipher a mind in such proximity to yours.” She taunted, reaching for her hood and pulling it back down over her head, revealing her full face to him. He watched as she simultaneously masked her thoughts and revealed her face, those distinctive grey eyes set on his mask, almost willing it off. He reached up and obliged, setting it in front of him.  

She watched the mask until his hands returned to rest on his knees, her gaze returning to his. It had been so long since she had seen the face of the Jedi Killer. His human features momentarily softened her resistance. His deep brown eyes, the dark unruly locks he had pushed back off of his face, his full lips. She settled on each feature, visions of happier versions of the man before her flickered through her consciousness. _A wholehearted smile, crinkled eyes and a child’s laughter, the contented sigh and embrace of a mother and child._

“That’s enough” he said sharply, his unfiltered voice reaching her ears for the first time in years. She refocused her gaze, her face and mind betraying nothing of the melancholy she had taken on in these glimpses of the young Ben Solo.

“Commander, you asked for my help. You chose me because I would have known your struggle regardless of whether you cared to share it. You knew…” She trailed off.

He finished for her, his voice low and tenuous “I knew that your unrestrained use of your sight abilities and your unrestrained commentary concerning your invasions would be of some use to my training.” He said his gaze steady “To quiet my mind.”

 “I trust the dialogue was getting a bit stiff with the alternate council you’ve been toting around?” She asked mildly. His eyes narrowed at her reference to the token of his grandfather he kept displayed in his quarters. “He is only a part of you, and you know so little about him. Don’t you wonder why you find yourself pulled away from time to time? You’re not the only one who has ever had doubts Kylo Ren.”

_“How dare she.”_ Despite his outrage he felt a familiar doubt creep into his consciousness. He noted the subtly leading tone in her voice and turned his focus to her once more, her stare invasive and curious. “My devotion is unwavering, I am the most fervent follower of the great leader, I- ” his tone became more firm with each declaration

“And yet you are burdened” Her voice rose above his. He held her gaze, a beat of silence fell between them and she took the opening to continue. “It keeps you tethered to separate places, separate…” she trailed off searching for the right word, careful to, in this revelation, keep from offending the conflicted man who sat before her “…motivations” she settled on the relatively mild word.

His gaze drifted from hers for a brief moment. She looked into his mind, carefully, gently, like peeking through a sheer curtain. She caught glimpses, like flashes of sunlight striking harshly in her eyes.

_“Excellent work” a deep ominous voice commended, A dark haired woman and a rugged man screamed indistinguishable insults at one another, a gentle hand ruffled a mess of dark hair as mechanical fingers grasped the shoulder of a small boy, the final thin shuddering breath of young child fingers gripping into the mud._

The visions were lightning and slow swirling clouds all at once. When her focused gaze returned to Kylo Ren, he appeared slightly worn by the invasion, his fingers digging into his palms, the faintest sheen on his brow. He still looked into her eyes but there was more questioning than anger, some resignation that she had never felt from him before.  For the briefest moment she felt a soft fluttering as his mind reached out to hers, less probing, as if offering a hand, seeking connection, revealing curiosity. The walls she had put up in her mind did not falter for his tentative gesture.

“I think you can find-” She wanted to say balance, but he was seeking undistracted devotion to the dark side, she settled on another word “clarity.” She said, offering a marginally more gentle tone. “You will have to open that resistant mind of yours. This will not be enjoyable.” She changed the pace, speaking plainly once more.

“That makes this easy; I already do not enjoy you.” He quipped reproachfully. She paused, barely suppressing an upward twitch at the corners of her lips. He noted her reaction, not displeased with the small crack in her façade he was able to inflict. Eliciting the uncommon reaction from the young woman brought him a tiny petulant joy.

“I should hope not.” She offered in return a brief dimpled smirk making an appearance. She waited a moment noting a hit of levity in his gaze before forcing the conversation back to the matter.

 “You will need to offer more of yourself.” She noted solemnly “I will not exhaust myself by spending my days dragging your struggles from your closed mind, and I fear it would cause irreparable damage to that delicate psyche of yours.” He glared back at her but offered a small sound of agreement.

_“Oracle”_ the low modulated voice of a masked knight issued from a speaker by the door. _“Commander Ren’s presence is requested by the Supreme Leader”_.

Kylo Ren stood swiftly glancing back at the door. The Oracle reached out her hands wrapping around either side of the mask that still sat on the floor. She rose and walked around him, standing between him and the door. He stilled at the sight of the mask in her hands, his deep brown eyes widening for a single breath, the object felt suddenly far too intimate to be in the hands of another. His gazed turned dark once more as he removed the object from her grasp and pressed it into place.

“Additional sessions will need to be more productive, Oracle.” He managed flatly.

“Yes they will, Commander” She replied darkly, turning from him to return to her personal quarters, not waiting for him to leave. He watched her go her robe sweeping behind her with the gentle sway of her walk as she disappeared through the narrow door. He caught a glimpse of the room and the view out into the darkness beyond before the door closed swiftly behind her. He pressed his lips together for a moment before turning to the now opening doors behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a training session with the Oracle Snoke discovers Kylo Ren's request for counsel and ups the ante. While on the Finalizer near Jakku, Kylo Ren gives the Oracle a call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - small attempts to tie into the film, small tie-ins, but a few chapters will deal directly with large events in the movie and continue on after. I'm taking some liberties with locations (ex. starkiller vs finalizer) but keeping some level of realism when possible haha. It's some kind of impossible miracle that I've written a chapter a day. Also! Debating naming the Oracle, it has got to be organic - we'll see what happens. This was a short one... but it allowed me to start on the next chapter tonight. I'm going back and fixing/adding summaries. Kay Thanks!
> 
> Randomly Yours - M

The Oracle sat on the sofa in her room, watching the holo screen that lined the wall opposite her, her bare legs tangled in the cloak she had peeled off her shoulders after a particularly arduous training session with Snoke. Though rare, her sessions with the supreme leader were an exhausting balancing act. Her abilities of sight and to see into the minds of others were more exacting than his, her barriers were strong. It was tiresome, keeping him completely blocked from a few small private corners of her mind while begrudgingly allowing him full access to the rest, as a true servant would. He had discovered her consultations with Kylo Ren, surprisingly he agreed that Ren would benefit from a more invasive and challenging training, the kind that she was more appropriately suited to provide. _“Perhaps he will benefit from further instruction in the art you have so naturally mastered.”_ , Snoke wanted her to teach him to manipulate and read the minds of others, introspective arts. She could hardly contain the slew of swears that flung themselves against her lips. Ren’s reaction was likely to be to be less than pleasant; the idea that he required assistance in any matter would send the defensive twat into a world class fit.

               The past several hours had drained her. Her skin was uncomfortably warm, a sheen of sweat was finally beginning to dry from her forehead. She leaned back onto the cushions and finally focused on the information skittering across the holo screen; planetary maps, ship locations, troop movements and lists of resource requisitions. She pressed a button on a small remote and the holo extended out into the room, a 3D image of the planet of Jakku and surrounding traffic hovering several feet in front of her.  She swept one hand across the display and the only the Finalizer remained.  She wondered idly if he was aware that he had been found out.

 As if on command the screen swept most of the data to the side and a clear holo image of Kylo Ren appeared, his mask off, unadulterated rage was palpable even through the monochromatic display. She sat up a bit pulling her robe up and around her shoulders and across her chest, her legs slowly unfolding themselves from the piles of dark fabric around her. She glared back at him, refusing to speak first. It was a mistake confronting her while not physically present. She was far more prone to petulance when he was at such a distance.

               “I know you can’t read my mind from there but-“ He began

               “It isn’t necessary” She cut him off her lips curling into a hazy dimpled smirk. He noted the slump in her shoulders, her state of relative undress, and the somewhat unbalanced look in her gaze that was normally so clear, taken slightly aback.

               “You look unwell” he noted, managing a sarcastic cheery tone, as if he had been complementing her. She frowned again her fingers knotting in the fabric that pooled at her thighs. His gaze raked over her now tense form, dropping to her hands catching the small reaction, marking it as a small win in his ledger.

               “You look unstable.” She fired back, her gaze sharp and focused now. A beat later and she regretted it, finally noting his growing imbalance; his eyes had become downright dangerous. He may not be able to threaten her but someone would soon bear the brunt of his displeasure. “Your sessions will continue, trainings also now I think, though I am not inclined to assist you in being able to better see into the minds of others, particularly mine.”

               “We will continue when I return, Oracle.” He threatened. The holo cut out as he raised his mask to his face.

She was mildly perturbed at the realization that he had gotten the final word. Still though, she had successfully squelched his tantrum with her own, _“Not my most clever or attractive move”_ she admitted to herself. In her current state it was about the best she could manage.

               Back on the Finalizer, Kylo Ren stood at his door for a moment, recalling the unusual state of the woman back on Starkiller. She looked exhausted. His own sessions with Snoke were taxing but he rarely engaged in the kind of mental training she likely required. Of course, now she would be putting him through the same paces. It had been so long since another had been so close to his mind, to train him, to understand him. He inhaled deeply, pressing the memories down into the bottom of his lungs.

He had a prisoner to interrogate.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Oracle tests Kylo Ren - "Don't let me in".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exhausted, much to do, promise more tomorrow, have short day at work. No promises about next week. Will attempt to stockpile over weekend. 
> 
> Briefly Yours - M

He sat across from her, openly hostile and mentally explosive, he was ranting on about some injustice or another, something about Hux probably. She was listening behind his words though. His thoughts were equally petulant and noisy, “ _I am not a child to be commanded. I am more than capable of-“_

               She listened silently to his string of defiant thoughts her fingers laced loosely in her lap. He was in fact letting out more than he knew. She saw his frustration, how long it had really taken him to extract what should have been a relatively simple piece of information from the captive resistance fighter, Poe Dameron. She saw the temper tantrum when he was informed the droid he had been seeking was not recovered. She had felt great unease after their last meeting, sensing the likelihood of such an outburst. He returned to Starkiller nearly as angry as he had been when they last spoke.

               “Am I boring you?” He snapped, breaking her survey of his leaking thoughts. Though he wasn’t able to see much into her mind, he was getting better at reading her form and habits. She had begun to gently flex her fingers one by one, her gaze focused just barely off of his every once and a while.

               “Maybe that would have been a better tactic in your interrogation of Poe Dameron.” She offered her grey eyes shifting to meet his. If looks could kill, she nearly flinched at the darkly cold stare she had earned, though not ultimately displeased with her results. “Let’s focus elsewhere. You won’t improve if you only practice on minds less capable than your own.” He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, tempted to throw back what he quickly assessed would be a childish retort. She watched his rapid contemplation moderately surprised by his restraint.

“Keep me out.” She said as she shuffled onto her knees leaning forward a bit. He said nothing but watched her dubiously she reached her ungloved hand towards his bare face. He didn’t breathe for a moment but he also didn’t pull back. Relaxing a bit, he closed his eyes concentrating on his breathing, on barricading his mind, preparing himself.  

“ _Don’t to let me in…”_ the gentlest version of her voice he’d ever heard touched his mind; he let the words roll through him relaxing him, their sweetness a false security. He realized the lapse too late as he noticed a cool sensation just below his temples like a fog rolling in. He pressed outward against her and what had been a fog became a thousand icy streams, weaving their way through to the center of his mind crashing against a barrier from time to time but continuing on none the less. He took in a ragged breath his throat tense, the air he took in felt frigid.

She pressed on looking for something particular, her own little game in this training. She came to what she was looking for, her pursuit turned to a frozen dagger and for the briefest second she saw it.

_A roguishly  handsome man, a woman with vigorous but kind brown eyes, a dark haired boy no older than 3 or 4 toddled between them before flinging his arms around the woman’s neck as she fell back into the grass, her shoulders shaking with laughter_

She felt a great force pushing back like Sisyphus scrambling his boulder up the cragged hill. Suddenly, she felt a great pressure in her own mind, her entire consciousness tightening against the onslaught. Instinctively, defensively, her finger tips brushed closer, making contact with his skin and he was pushed out like a great flush of air she swept him out of her mind. She became iron clad, retreating from his mind in an instant. He had gotten further than she thought him capable of.

_A scream of a girl that cut straight to his core, the smell of ash and sweat, the warm soaked feeling of blood trailing down his arm,_ he had no image and no feeling to accompany the sense memories he had been able to grasp. Left with a deep feeling of having trespassed into very dangerous territory, he opened his eyes.

He met her steady gaze and a pulse swept through his chest, like a vacuum stealing a beat from his heart, and he almost looked away from those penetrating grey eyes. She slowly replayed the scene for him in a hazy distant form, the image far away with a glow around the edges, projecting feelings of love and light and innocence. Her fingertips remained on either side of his face sliding down from just below his temples to lightly trail along the hollows of his cheeks. He let out an exhausted sigh, his eyelids lowering tiredly, somewhat consumed by the vision. His head tilted to the side and she dropped one hand, the image beginning to fade. He reached a gloved hand up, covering her hand as it relaxed against the side of his face just above his jawline. His brow furrowed and he gently grasped her fingers, pulling her hand away, off to the side, gripping it firmly for a moment before releasing her, pulling his hand back slowly.

“You are impressive.” He murmured flatly, looking up at her, his gaze cold and somewhat guarded. She looked away from him

“I think that’s enough for now” She replied quietly, standing without waiting for his acknowledgement. She took a step towards her private quarters and he caught her wrist, standing swiftly as he did, twisting it out in front of him. His eyes ran along a long pale scar that began at her wrist and twisted around her forearm, growing wider, and darker as it wound around the back of her shoulder and began to fade, disappearing under her cloak. She refused to look at him but beneath his grip he felt her pulse quicken and her muscles contract. She pulled her hand from his grasp slowly but firmly.

“Maybe next time you’ll be better prepared for a defensive strategy. It’s easier to close your mind than to also press back against another.”  She said coolly holding her arm to her abdomen. He watched her disappear into her room catching the fall of her cloak, the rustle of fabric and the sinking sound of a mattress.

He watched until the door slid shut, then he scooped up his helmet, looking down at the face in his hands. It stared back at him and he could almost see her probing gaze reflected in it.  He could still feel her fluttering pulse in his fingertips, see her stormy accusing gaze. He felt the warmth of her touch and the kindness in her expression of his own memories, the torturous contradiction in showing him such a happy time from the life he had betrayed. He stopped, realizing how tightly he gripped the mask in his hands. Jamming it over his head he pushed the conflicting feelings from his mind and left to deal with what he hoped would be slightly less arduous endeavors.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finds the Oracle in the midst of a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that she does have a name. Not sure how often we'll be using it, not often... I've decided. So tired. I'll edit this later. 
> 
> Exhaustively yours - M

The Oracle walked from the room, shedding her cloak onto the floor, her body rapidly showing the effects of the endeavor. He was strong, and though he seemed to have been distracted for a moment at first, he was a taxing subject to explore. Moving through his mind felt like blades on her skin, it was chaotic and unbalanced and she had to run through it as if in a maze, often unsure of where she was going. She had run through, flinging open what doors were not locked trying to find a clearer glimpse of the young Ben Solo, of a happy time in his life. _She could feel the warmth of the woman’s embrace; she could hear the man’s deep roguish laughter_.

 The problem had come when he began to enter her mind. She had been naïve in believing that   he would or could keep to a purely defensive practice. He was aggressive, rash, and he needed to learn restraint. He had come at her with what she assumed was nearly the height of his ability and, despite her relative superiority; she was unable to completely defend herself. Like a wild wounded animal, retreating to safety, she left fragments of violence in her wake, shrapnel from her past. She became blinded by irrational fear and fought back, evacuating him from her mind, and in a hazy moment after the brief battle, trapped him in a replay of that deeply buried memory.

 _“Stupid, childish, risky…”_  She scolded herself. She let out a slow breath. She felt his skin against her fingertips, how his cheek warmed her palm as he leaned into her for the briefest moment. Even if it was for only a moment, he had opened to her; he had been willing to see what she showed him. An odd thought occurred to her as sleep began to overcome her. _“When was the last time Kylo Ren was touched by another person?”_

Several hours had passed since her exhausting session with Kylo Ren. The Oracle lay tangled in sheets on her bed, bare limbs twisted through the pillows and blankets, spreading then constricting. Her hair tangled as she slept, messy tendrils forming in her fitful slumber.

Kylo Ren reappeared at her door. He waited a moment expecting the doors to open, but nothing happened. He stepped back turning back to the hall, reconsidering his return visit. He reached out seeking her out within her chambers. He felt her mind, like the wings of a moth beating against a cupped palm.  There was no clear thought, he felt a mind that was frantic, desperate, tossing, turning, and in pain. He tapped the key code to her door and passed swiftly through the meditation room, pausing at the private door to her chambers, which opened automatically for him. He could see straight through the two doorways to see a girl cradled in dark blankets, slowly spinning, pulling a clutch of silken sheets to her face. She did not wake at his intrusion. He reached up and removed his helmet, setting it on the dining table as he passed. He watched curiously, as she turned once more, pulling one knee to her chest, one arm reaching out to the side. He reached out to her, his approach into her mind gentle and restrained like a light knock on a door, alerting her to his presence. Still though, she did not wake. He walked to her bedside pressing further into her consciousness, even in such a tiredly fitful state she was able to keep him out. He pulled his gloves off setting them beside him as he slowly sat at the edge of the bed. Kylo reached one hand out towards her fevered brow, he felt her thoughts becoming clearer, images beginning to appear, and then flicker out of sight.

 _It was dark and smoky, and the air was damp and heavy. Tiny frantic breaths, like those of a child._ He was pushed out again. He watched as her brows knit together in her sleep and she made a small pained sound. He reached his bare hand towards her face, his fingers slipping from her cheek around the side of her neck, his fingertips brushing the edges of her damp tangled hair, his thumb resting just at her temple. He held back for a moment, watching her face relax at his touch, and then he dove back in.

               _A young girl and a woman and ran towards him in the dark humid forest. “Neera!” The woman’s voice called out, a desperate screech. Blasters fired behind her and with a guttural cry, she disappeared from sight, the concealing smoke and fog became indistinguishable from one another. The air was hot and unbearably heavy at the same time. Another blaster fired and the girl stumbled forward, she looked up, her large grey eyes frantic, innocent, and defiant. Troopers advanced on her and a single uniformed officer followed. She turned, facing them from the ground, and for a moment everything was still. At the officer’s command a single blaster fired at the girl. Her arm flung out just as the shot reached her wrist; it slowed in mid-air gliding up the side of her arm, stopping as it got closer. She screamed as her skin seared against the shot, she passed out, and the blast continued on, firing through her shoulder. “Liutenant Hux – Fetch the girl”._

               Kylo pulled himself from her mind, his gaze returning to her sleeping face, she seemed less fretful than before. His gaze dropped from her face, tracing down to the hand that reached towards him, her fingers were now knotted in his robes, pulling them closer along with the sheets. He felt her stir beside him and before he could move he felt her thoughts invade his, quickly and directionless, confused by his presence.

               The Oracle’s eyes fluttered open, looking up to see Kylo Ren hovering over her, his hands on her; he was in her room, on her bed. She lashed out at his mind for answers but quickly calmed herself, seeing what he had seen, _his eyes watching her as he entered her chambers_. _Curious, searching, concerned._ She sat up his hand falling away from her cheek, trailing down her neck before dropping away.

               Her gaze focused on his as she considered him for a moment. “You exhaust me.” She said gently glancing down, pulling her hand away from him, releasing her hold on his robes. It was all she could manage and, despite how violated she felt at this intrusion, he seemed to be growing closer to her, allowing her to get closer to him. She saw light in him for the first time in a long time, he was still conflicted but there were signs. He was frustrated and confused by it, and in his revelations she found some personal victory.

               “I needed-” He began.

               “You wanted to try again, to block me out?” She said angrily her gaze shooting to meet his. “You can’t do that and invade my mind at the same time. You’re meant to be improving your defensive strategies, you attacked me.” She accused.

They watched each other for a long moment and finally she leaned towards him her lips inches from his ear, her voice quiet, her breath warm against his neck.  “Don't let me in…” she lifted one hand to the side of his head, her fingers weaving into his hair.  She slowly pressed into his consciousness. She saw her own memories there and had to fight through her own discomfort in continuing on through his mind. He pushed her out, gently at first, his force hesitant. She pressed harder, a slow warming sensation spreading through his mind, he pushed harder. _“Keep your energy contained to your own mind.”_ Her words became quieter as he pushed her further out of his head.

               She stopped “That was better.” She was quite sure it may have been the first compliment she ever gave him, he seemed to notice it too, a brief swell of pride at the rare and kind words.  Her hand trailed down the back of his neck, her fingers untangling themselves from his hair. They were both suddenly aware of the other’s proximity and this time it was she who broke the reverie.

 “Come back later Kylo Ren, I cannot offer any help right now.” He paused at her use of his name, rather than his title. He had heard a name in her mind, she must know it too, it was likely forbidden, like his true name, she was The Oracle now.  She picked up his gloves, her eyes locked with his and held them out to him; his bare fingers laced over hers as he pulled them from her grasp and stood to leave. His pride prevented him from apologizing, she didn’t expect it, but there was some resignation in his gaze as he glanced back at her on his way out of the room. He watched her tired eyes, heard her gentle sigh as she watched him go, the door closing behind him.

 _She’s opening up to me, she wants to help me, she wants me to be… something…_ , and he couldn’t place it. He didn’t know yet what she wanted for him, but her efforts today had showed a level of dedication to his training that made him want to trust her. _No, I do trust her…_ he admitted, _She doesn’t trust me._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Oracle comes up with a new strategy to train Kylo Ren and recommends "Physical Activity". Also - UP NEXT!!! A lighter chapter featuring General Hux and the Oracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes today - long rainy evening, pizza, beer and a fluffy puppy made writing this take MUCH longer than it should have. Also, I'm considering some one shots that will fit in with this story.. And I'm taking requests. Requests and ideas GREATLY appreciated.
> 
> Distractedly Yours - M

He frowned upon entering the large meditation room. She stood barefooted before him in a simple fitted tunic, no hood, no cloak, and her mind was completely closed off.  She noted his attempt to investigate the odd arrangement and shut the doors behind him. “What is this?” he asked, removing his mask and gloves, giving up on prying it from her.

               “I thought that maybe some physical activity might exhaust you enough to keep your mind to yourself.” She said coolly, walking slowly towards him.  

He raised one eyebrow as she circled his right shoulder, slowly passing behind him. _“Hand to hand combat?”_ his mind repeated the thought to her.

“Precisely” She said pleasantly, reaching one hand up around his shoulder sliding under the fabric of his cloak to reach the clasp, flipping it open and letting the garment fall from his shoulders. He tensed at her boldness as the heavy fabric pooled around his feet. “I will be distracted a bit doing two things at once,” She admitted, her hand resting on his shoulder where the clasp had been “Fighting both your mind and your body.” He looked down at her hand, his muscles tightening at her touch, she felt his pulse quicken at her closeness. _When was the last time anyone touched Kylo Ren?_ The thought recurred; her intimate proximity seemed to distract him, which would be part of her strategy. He was far stronger than she was, probably faster, and much more brutal, she would need to employ tactics beyond purely mechanical combat skills.  

“Fine.” He turned to face her, her hand slid from his shoulder to his chest as he moved; she was surprised at the hint of a smile on his lips. He was too confident. She smiled back leaning in a bit, her hand moved to the center of his chest her fingers splaying out against his heart beat. His breath hitched and that stupid grin fell from his face as the heel of her palm traveled lower, brushing along his abdominal muscles. He didn’t even notice her feet as she pulled the cloak around one of his ankles.

“Kylo…” She whispered gently, as he brought one hand slowly towards hers _, To cover it? To pull it away?_ She wasn’t sure, and judging by his trepidation he wasn’t sure yet either, she didn’t give him the chance to choose. “Don’t let me in.” She felt him tense at her words, but she moved too quickly. She planted one foot on the cloak tangled at his feet, trapping him there and shoved forward roughly in the center of his chest.

He fell backwards but reacted quickly, turning, landing on his side, catching most of his weight and softening the fall with his arms. She was already advancing into his thoughts; it was all he could do to throw up a brief defense. She caught an image, _A younger Kylo Ren faced his father, a familiar defiance radiated from his dark eyes._

He turned over, kicking the cloak from his feet, his mind attempting to push her out as hard as he could. She felt an itch as though he was reaching back into her mind. She took advantage of his divided attentions, watching him scramble quickly to his feet. His gaze bore into hers, as he stepped towards her, she side stepped him then kicked out at his knees. He swiftly avoided the contact but she was able to pull more from his mind. _She could feel the wracking sobs of a young boy as though they were her own, deep in her chest. “Ben?” A woman’s voice entered her mind._  

She advanced quickly, grabbing his forearm from behind, catching his attention. He turned on her, his breathing labored. He raised his arm, ready to engage. She stopped suddenly tilting her head to the side. She pulled at his arm her grip loosening as her fingers skimming over his sleeve her hand trailed up his arm to his elbow. Her thoughts slowly permeated his, no images, no invading his memories, he felt a calm overwhelm him, sweeping the tension from his muscles, lulling him into an aura of security. He wrapped his hand around her forearm in return, his other hand slowly reaching towards her. She sighed inwardly, relaxing into the embrace. She could feel him letting her in, his cold blood warming, but he had so much more work to do, he hardly understood these small lapses. He still sought to eliminate his past, anything that called him to the light. It pained her to reward this gentle contact with an evasive maneuver.

His lips parted as if to speak and without hesitation, she shoved at him once more, her feet kicking the back of his legs, bringing him to his knees her free hand moving to his face.  She threw herself into his thoughts diving violently at the most dark and intimate corners of his mind. _Sweat dripped from his brow “Ben, you don’t need to-” - - The violent hiss and crackle of his saber coming to life, striking down the figure before him - - the wrenching pulse in his chest as he watched, for the first time, as a life was taken by his hand - - the retreating figure of a man, his father, disappearing onto a ship a lumbering woolen figure at his side - - a younger girl with sad grey eyes staring back at him, her face matured and her gaze became piercing - -_ The softness of the image caused her to pause - - _Damp dark tendrils plastered to her cheek as she slept - - the warmth of her skin as his hand reached out to touch…._ She felt his mind pressing against hers, these were images he was choosing to show her, or at least, they were the images he wasn’t concealing first.

He took advantage of her distraction reaching around her thigh pulling her legs from under her, gripping her arm hard, pulling her to the floor. She reacted in time to keep her fingers knotted in his hair, and leaned in to keep her head from cracking against the floor. He pinned her down, one knee against her hip, her wrist pinned above her head. He had fully banished her from his mind. He looked down at her, her cheeks were flushed from the exertion, her lips parted as her breathing slowly calmed, her hair wildly tousled, spread around her, a halo of dark waves.

“You let me in.” She chided, her hand still resting on his face as she slowly untangled her fingers from his dark locks, brushing against his cheek. He sighed through heavy breaths and tiredly turned his head into her hand, looking away from her.

“You’re difficult to out maneuver.” He mumbled his words muffled by her hand. She felt his lips move against her skin and she froze her hand falling to rest on her stomach, then her body relaxed, no longer resistant against him. She watched him for a moment, her gaze unreadable. He released her, removing his weight from her hips and standing swiftly. “There is no – You’re not afraid of me.” he noted, watching her as she stood solemnly. She had seen him kill, she had seen some of the darkest and most conflicted parts of him.

“I already know the darkest parts of you.” She murmured, carefully considering her next words as she moved closer to him. “We’re seeking out the light.” He froze his gaze narrowing, growing dangerous. He was questioning her, she felt his mind press against hers, keeping him out she thought quickly.

“To embrace all that you are capable of, you must understand all of your past, your full self and all that has brought you to where you are.” He seemed to accept this but she felt him distance himself a bit, still unbalanced by her initial comment.

“Of course” He said flatly, bending to retrieve his helmet and gloves. He turned back to her his gloves on, his mask in his hands.  She held his cloak slowly approaching him; she pulled the heavy fabric up around him and clipped it into place at his shoulder.  

“You are becoming stronger Commander.” He stiffened at the use of his title, disturbed by his reaction, as not long ago, the sound of his name on her lips had him similarly uncomfortable. “Until next time.” She said watching him calmly. He paused for a moment before pulling his helmet on over his head followed by his hood.

“Until next time” The mechanical voice seemed to suck the familiarity from the room, the kinship gone in an instant.  He paused for a moment as he reached the doors and she caught a single word from his thoughts. _“Neera…”_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has some orders for the Oracle, Kylo gets a little irritated with Hux, and Kylo has a little chat with the Oracle. - Chapter to be edited -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a fluff-ish chapter that turned a bit there at the end! And there's a Hux appearance! Chapter updates will slow soon but we won't stop till we have an ending - Scouts Honor. 
> 
> Lovingly Yours - M

… _Neera…_  
  
It had been so long since she heard her name. There were few who knew it, probably one a couple of people who knew it before it was taken from her. She lay on her back in the meditation room, staring at the ceiling. There were really only three living people who knew her name. _One of them – Speak of the devil_.  The doors slid open after a rapid punch of the override code.

               “And he shall appear…” She muttered darkly.

               “What was that?” the crisp tone of a surly red-head filled the room. She smiled a bit, he was one of her few visitors and as unpleasant as he could be, she really did enjoy toying with him, a small retaliation perhaps for his involvement in her induction into the order. He had no force ability and when she used her gentlest touch, he couldn’t feel her enter his mind. Despite his lacking in that arena, he was relatively brilliant and she didn’t find him totally uninteresting like the brainwashed trashcans that patrolled the halls. Perhaps it was a mild case of Stockholm syndrome or just a case of knowing him for so long but even she had to admit she didn’t find his company totally abhorrent.

               “Good Evening General” She said brightly, not sitting up “How **_have_** you been?” He strode over to her his hands clasped behind him, the cap from his formal dress affixed to his flawless ginger coif.

               She looked up at him, offering a hazy tilted smile, he frowned down at her. “Get up” he said shortly before turning to walk into her private chambers. It was almost exclusively her fault that he had a certain opinion of her. She used his visits and his familiarity with her to be slightly more relaxed in her interactions. He couldn’t read her mind and although he wasn’t particularly amiable most of the time, he was generally amusing.

               She got to her feet and followed him, her gait almost dance-like. He strode over to the holo-screen and, pressing a few buttons. He backed up against the edge of the sofa and starting bringing up galactic maps and other troop data.

               “Have you eaten General?” She asked hoping his intrusion wouldn’t keep her from a decent meal. The food was marginally better when the grumpy general was in attendance.

               “Dinner is being brought.” He said dismissively, concentrating on the data before him. She frowned a bit and sat down on the sofa behind him.

               “This is not your office, nor is it your personal quarters.” She pulled her cloak from her shoulders and leaned against the back of the sofa “Did you have a reason for this visit?” She waited ten long seconds as he continued to concentrate on the screen. “General Hux if you refuse to amuse me I’ll have you removed from my quarters.” She joked sternly, becoming petulant at being ignored, especially by him.

Finally he turned around and looked down at her a mildly horrifying smirk on his face. “S _miling does not suit him…and what is he so happy about anyway?”_ She thought, cringing inwardly. She wiped the pleasant look from her face and glared up at him. “What?” She asked flatly.

“Our work, your work, is coming to fruition.” A chill ran down her spine, they were going to use the weapon. She had known they would, she knew what would be destroyed, the lives the entire worlds. She hated herself for blocking it out, it consumed her if she thought too long about it, and she certainly couldn’t let him see any condemnation of a core initiative of the First Order.

               “You are pleased at the recognition though.” She said her gaze more serious as she continued to watch him.

She felt a presence in her mind and almost laughed. It seemed Commander Ren was aware of the General’s location. She could see him stalking down the hall towards her chambers. With little concentration and a lot of distance, all she could perceive was indistinct rage. It seemed as though she was destined to annoy more than one man-child today. She allowed Ren the luxury of some vision into her discussion with Hux and returned her focus to the General.

“It’s not just the big picture, your dedication to the order that makes that pale chest of yours swell.” She smirked and his face flushed. She felt she was bordering on going too far but upon glimpsing into his mind, she felt retaliation was unlikely. She crawled forward to kneel at the edge of the sofa before Hux. “You’re just a tiny bit selfish.” She whispered, reaching one hand out to straighten a pin on his uniform. She glimpsed into his mind once more. He had liked it, being knocked down a bit, and by her, by someone who he did have control over in so many ways. She suspected he was probably a bit of a masochist but refused to dive so deep into his consciousness, he would definitely notice that.

               “I’ll thank you to keep out of my thoughts.” He said curtly.

               “Oh General, I’ve known you for many years,” She boldly lifted her hand to his neck, trailing one finger along his stiff collar “I don’t need to rummage around to know your secrets.” She taunted. Kylo Ren’s mind was failing gloriously in maintaining any semblance of silence, becoming downright distracting.

               “You will be there.” He said firmly.

               “No” She said simply, her fingers running along the seams along his collar bone.

               “That is an order” He snapped his pale blue eyes becoming fierce. She glared back at him with equal fervor, holding back her instinct to mentally stab him in his frontal lobe. He seemed to catch the warning and opened his mouth to speak “The Supreme Leader has requested that you provide a more public presence for this event.” She climbed down off of the sofa and crossed the room to the window.

               _“Remove him or I will have him removed.”_ The threat came directly to her, Kylo Ren’s voice clear in her head. _He is getting better,_ she mused.

               “Of course, General” She said gently. Hux crossed the room towards her standing just behind her.

               “You were with me in my first battle, my first taste of victory.” He rested one hand on her upper arm, his thumb pressing into the scar on her arm, his cool breath on the back of her neck, “You’ll be at my side in this as well.”

               “I believe your interpretation of your first taste of victory may be slightly different than my experience there.” She said, keeping the spite from her words as best she could.

               He could hardly open his mouth to respond before a fuming masked and hooded Kylo Ren passed through the meditation room doors and without announcing or asking, and swept into the lounge. Hux stepped away, turning to Ren. “Commander Ren.” He said curtly.

               “I believe you are meant to be making some vital arrangements General.” Kylo said pointedly. They could both feel the General’s embarrassment and the retaliatory rage that was building inside him. He was however, at a gross disadvantage with both Ren and the Oracle.

               “You will be collected in the morning; I expect you will be appropriately prepared.” Hux said with finality, glancing back at her, breezing past Kylo on his way out the door.

               She turned her gaze on Kylo “I assume you had a purpose in coming here other than to annoy the General?” She said tilting her head at him.

               “Not particularly.” The mechanical voice responded. She smiled and turned back to the window, she heard the mechanical hiss as he removed the helmet, tucking it under his arm.

               “You’re selfish too.” She said gently feeling his presence grow closer until his reflection appeared beside her at the window. “Passion requires a certain amount of selflessness.” She saw him turn from her reflection to aim his startled gaze directly at her. “To achieve what you seek you have to be willing to lose a part of yourself, to sacrifice for your cause.” She explained.

               “How will I know what that is?” His voice was steady but she sensed great conflict in his words.

               “You must first be sure of your cause.” She said turning to face him. She took his hand in hers for a moment and he returned her grasp. “You need to be sure.” With that, resisting providing further council, holding back her sympathies, she turned to leave. He did not release her hand and she paused.

               “I believe you have some vital arrangements to make Commander.” She said looking back at him “And I have a planetary massacre to prepare for.” After a moment he released her and turned to leave considering her words, what would he be sacrificing by following that which called to him most? She could feel the deep seeded conflict in his heart as the distance between them grew, solid metal doors finally separating them. It took every fiber of her restraint to guide and not direct. He had to choose his path; she could only affect so much change before he rebelled against it. She did realize now though, she wanted to be there to be a part of whatever path he was taking, and whether it was in light or in darkness, she would remain.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has a great victory and is crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author has decided to annoy Kylo Ren in a short chapter. Not exactly smut, but closer than not-smut. Not "actual" smut. Enjoy. If anyone particularly likes it - I'm already considering expanding it a little bit, just a few more sentences. But there will be more like it eventually. 
> 
> Dubiously Yours - M

_Blinding red light - - billions of terrified minds screaming, reaching out all at once - - her heart constricting, twisting against her spine._ Her body hummed, her organs felt like they were shooting around inside her body but she stood completely still. Her muscles attempted to free themselves from her bones as she watched the distant worlds become so incredibly bright as the life was snuffed out of them. And then it was quiet.

Hux turned to her, the crazy was still in his eyes as he walked towards the back of the platform and left to exit back into the base. He caught her hooded gaze for a moment; his stiff lipped expression was not enough to conceal his thoughts from her. In his most powerful moments, he could be, he was, truly frightening.

 _His hands were on her,_ \- - The troopers who surrounded her turned, escorting her back into the base - - _his breath was hot on her neck, his teeth made purpled bites on her shoulder as he pressed into her,_ \- - She stood straight, her head angled down as she walked - - _wrenching her head to the side with one hand knotted in her hair._  - - She glanced up, watching the General as he walked ahead of her - - _She was breathless, clinging to him_ \- - He turned the corner his route taking them closer to her quarters - - _her fingernails dragging red ribbons down his back and shoulder._ She watched him stop at her door and open it, the troopers halted, waiting for her to continue on through the entrance.

She nearly paused, nearly let her hesitation, her wariness be detected. _“He’s mildly psychotic, not blind.”_ She kept her gaze down and passed through to the meditation room, she heard the shuffle of feet as the troopers left and the door slid closed behind her.  “I think the supreme leader is more interested in your victory than I am likely to be.” She said evenly turning to face the volatile mind behind her.

               He stepped towards her, reaching one hand out to the side of her face and she recoiled, openly glaring at him. She could hear his teeth grinding as he jammed one hand behind her head, gloved fingers winding through her hair, gripping hard and slowly tilting her head back. Reflexively, her hands reached for his arms pushing him away, her fingers digging into his sleeves.

               “I know you can see.” He hissed “I want you to look.” His voice was low and dangerous. She hadn’t seen him quite like this since they first met, so openly violent and rash. He was normally restrained; his unique brand of insanity needed an awful lot of fuel to burn this brightly. She flung herself into his mind his most forward thoughts were unavoidable in the pursuit but she could also hurt him back.

               _Teeth gnashed together, she was pushed up against a frigidly cold wall._ \- - She pushed harder into his mind, roughly, like blades tearing at his consciousness, he grit his teeth inhaling sharply - - _With one hand in the middle of her bare chest, he slammed her against the wall her head snapping against the hard surface._ _One hand gripped at her thigh, yanking it up around his hip_ \- - She winced and tore violently through the thoughts, his grip on her tightened - - _Her hands ran through his hair slowly then her grip tightened holding him in place._ \- - With a final push, a piercing blow, he cried out, staggering backwards.

               She managed to maintain her composure and posture enough to walk calmly to signal the door to open. “I think that’s enough for today General.” Her gaze had turned venomous, no humor in her eyes, she was molten ash and iron, quiet, dark and dangerous.  He straightened his uniform and walked to the door pausing next to her.

               There was still some breathlessness in his voice as he smirked at her and offered a single parting word.

“Hardly.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tired - worked 60 hours so far this week - will be working weekend as well. Think of me fondly - this barely got written and I may have turned my frustration on my characters, further slowing the burn. The story will divert from the movie in a chapter or so. 
> 
> Haggardly Yours - M

He lay flat on his back the curved ceiling still spinning above him. Kylo Ren decided that meeting with the Oracle for a session in the middle of everything else had been a poor decision. He had a prisoner to interrogate, the mysterious girl, the one with the droid. His thoughts were fragmented as his view of the ceiling became blocked by the grinning dark haired girl who had knocked him to the floor. He slapped her offered hand away, sitting up resting his arms on his knees. Images of his father flashed through his mind, the girl, the tiny fragments of her unconsciousness he had seen during her transport. He knew he would be facing his father soon, his mother was close too. His heart palpated at the all-angles attack that was encroaching on his mind.

“Ren-“ A wary gentle voice felt very far away. He felt the images start to slow and grow fuzzy with the pressure of another mind pressing down on his.  He pushed her out, clearing his mind as best he could.

“Stay out” he growled bringing one hand to his head, as if to relieve the pressure there.

“Don’t let me in.” She shot back.

He stood swiftly; his trajectory brought him inches from her. She stood firmly looking up at him her gaze a good half head lower than his. She wasn’t smiling anymore as she stared him down.  “They’re not going away.” He said angrily “This isn’t helping, you aren’t helping.” He said, leaning into each accusation.

“You aren’t trying.” Her voice raised a few decibels over his, the air around them growing thicker.

“So I’m weak now?” he said angry and incredulous all at once, refusing to back away.

“No, confused.” She corrected a tiny rude smirk making an appearance _._ At this he finally stepped back, maintaining his menacing glare. _“Mostly lazy.”_ she passed the follow up thought directly into him.  The rage took over his control and she side stepped his advance, ducking the deft blow that followed. His movements were fueled by frustration and anger, and his distraction allowed her to keep one step ahead of her strong opponent.

“Control yourself Ren.” She said breathlessly, moving to turn out of his grasp towards the edge of the room. Sparring was meant to open him up, to distract him and keep him from invading her mind while controlling his own, but he was in such a state. He wasn’t controlling his thoughts or his body, and he was barely keeping her out.

 He caught her as she moved, his arm catching her waist, shoving her roughly against the corner of the door frame. His other hand jammed deeply into her neck just below her jaw line, barely allowing air to pass, holding a constant torturous pressure. The shock rang through her body, reverberating from her lungs to her brain like an iron bar striking a church bell.  She gasped for air her hand automatically reaching to Ren’s hand stopping just before making contact with his skin. She rapidly gained control over her body’s response and calmed herself.

 _“Ben…”_ Even her thoughts were strained as her hand wrapped around his bare wrist. His actions seemed to strike him all at once and his face relaxed from intense primal rage to breathless confusion. His gaze refocused and locked with hers, clarity returning.

“Neera – “ His hand slid from her throat moving to cradle her head. Her name on his lips caused her to tense for a moment before relaxing into his apologetic embrace. A long moment of stillness passed, their breaths slowing from the scuffle. He unwound his arm from her waist pressing it against the wall and moving away, gently untangling his body from hers. He turned away to the side, leaning against the door beside her, sliding tiredly to the floor.  

Neera stepped away from the wall and turned to look at the storm of a man before her, he watched her, a solemn calm expression. She slowly moved forward, as if approaching a cornered and wounded animal. She knelt down before him, watching him carefully for a moment before moving closer.

“Something is going to happen soon.” She gently lifted one hand to the side of his face. “I’m afraid.” She said quietly, mirroring his fear. She could feel him tense, she kept out of his thoughts but she could feel him, his mind felt like a bird beating its wings against the bars a too-small cage. “I don’t know what you’ll do; I can’t see the choice you’ll make.” He shut his eyes and exhaled, some level of agreement coming through in the action.

He felt her lean in, her hand warm on his cheek, her body growing closer to his. Her closeness often distracted him and felt intrusive. This time the unfamiliar sensation was comforting, he allowed himself to feel the kindness in her touch. Her lips pressed against his forehead and he reached up, gently twisting a lock of her hair. It slipped from his fingers as she leaned back to look at him, his gaze meeting hers once more.

“I will do what is needed.” He said firmly, though his tone still lacked some conviction. No matter what happened she knew he would be deeply wounded. He was on a precipice and had prepared himself to leap. Either side was lined with thorns to scratch and tear on the way down but what lay beyond the immediate consequence of his choice was unclear. She was quite sure he didn’t truly know which side he would fall on.

She leaned in pressing her forehead against his, her thumb running slowly along his cheek. “I know you will.” She murmured. His head tilted up his lips hardly a breath from hers, his hands rested lightly on her ribcage. Every fiber of her being willed her body towards his, but she refused to be his distraction.

 She sighed, turning her head a bit rolling back out of her kneeling position to sit back on the floor, his hands falling away from her sides. He leveled his gaze on her for a moment before standing and offering hand to help her up. He lingered for only a moment before, and as if silently agreed upon, she stepped back, released his hand and watched him go through the doors.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a work in progress - more may be added to the segment - maybe not - we'll see how I sleep on it. Sorry for the delay! I worked an 80 hour week last week with two all nighters so I'm closer to normal now. And I'll apologize now, I really didn't edit this yet. Love Love. 
> 
> Sleep Deprived-ly Yours,  
> \- M

_Dark blood circled the drain swirling with the steaming water, barely visible on the dark tile. Muscles clenched, tightening against the pain. Fingers knotted in dark fabric._

A single day – all that had happened in a single day had re-set the stage, destroyed it really. A single day had lit the curtains on fire and scorched the ceiling, bringing the roof crashing down on the entire place. Not more than a few hours after Kylo Ren had left her room Neera found herself all but dragged from her quarters, informed that Starkiller was being evacuated and she had been interred to the care of General Hux.

               _Hux practically burst into her chambers flanked by half a dozen troopers and another uniformed officer._

_“You will be escorted to the Finalizer.” His voice was curt but thin and knowing him as she did, she could feel the anxious energy flowing through him. He was executing a thousand pieces of the evacuation in his mind, keeping track of every detail and sure of every ship and squad that would make it off of the base. Today he was the General, he was exacting and commanding and the lives of others were in his hands, hers among them._

_“Yes sir.” She said flatly. The officer at Hux’s side moved past her and unceremoniously began pulling her clothes from her closet and jamming them into a bag._  
  


               On board the Finalizer she had been placed in one of the few rooms not designated for emergency troop barracks for the evacuation  space. A wide pedestal filled with ashes was at the far end of the room, Neera watched it steadily from her place on the floor, as though it was about to reach at to her. The pedestal with the face of Darth Vader was no more inviting and despite how comfortable the chair near it looked she couldn’t bring herself to converse with the death mask.

               _As she neared the ship her felt her chest grow tighter, she could feel the rage of another building up inside her. Thought it was far away, she felt confusion, anger, and the unbridling of great power, both light and dark._

               It had been hours since she had been left alone in Ren’s quarters, she’d spent her time reaching out trying to figure out what the hell was going on. For his obsessive and controlling nature she was shocked that Ren’s chambers offered no extensive monitoring or sophisticated communication systems. Slowly she felt a presence, at the edges at first but rapidly growing closer. Violent, erratic, and tense, a wounded Kylo Ren was en-route. A mixture of relief and fear flowed through her as she stood, as if to brace for his arrival. She reached out to him as he approached, offering solace and warning him of her presence, whether he felt her or not was unclear.

               The door slid open. He was half soaked, the snow having long melted against his skin, his helmet in his fist. His hair was damp with sweat, blood and melted snow. His eyes were wild and tired. Blood caked his neck and shoulder, the seared wound started at his brow as a thin red line and widened to a gaping gash as it reached his collarbone. She could see the scene in his mind, no hiding; he wanted her to know, to see. She saw the battle, the girl, and felt the searing pain as her lightsaber slashed at his skin.

               _The transport shuttle staggered through the air as the ground nearly fell away beneath it. He gripped the frame of the ship, blood still running down his face and shoulder. His less damaged hand cradled the blaster wound he had worsened in battle, beating at it to remind himself of the pain._

               At the image of his fist beating on the wound at his side everything seemed to speed in reverse then halt at a single moment. She stopped breathing, pulling her reaction deep into her mind as far away from him as possible. Not quickly enough she feared, he saw. He saw a flash of heartbreak, disappointment and fear when she saw Han Solo’s hand slid across his son’s cheek one last time.

               She almost repeated his name, his true name, but she stopped herself knowing what it could do at this moment. All of this had passed in a heartbeat, a silent and tenuous understanding of the past day passed between them. He walked slowly into the room moving past her and palming a lock on the wall. A door slid open revealing the more private areas of his private quarters. She followed him, breezing past him as she entered the bedchamber, moving towards the sink in the bathroom. She pushed the knob on the faucet, hot water streaming into the basin. He stood at the foot of his bed removing his belt and lightsaber, pulling his gloves off, his hand shook for a moment before he was able to still himself, clenching his fingers into a fist and flexing his fingers out.

               _His father’s hand slid across his cheek and he watched him fall, expecting the bond to fall away with him. Nothing changed, it felt like the first time he’d taken a life, it felt…he felt it. He had hoped for something different._

               Neera dropped the cloak from her shoulders and loosened her tunic, undressing to the fitted sleeveless top beneath. She pulled the pile of small towels from a shelf nearby and began soaking them one by one in the hot water before glancing over at Kylo. He sensed her gaze on him and followed her path into the bathroom, yanking the clasp on his cloak as he did, letting it fall to the floor on his way. He slowed to a stop inches from her, watching her hands automatically reach out to him. He winced as she peeled his shirt from the dried blood and burned skin. Slowly she removed the layers of dark cloth revealing his bare chest, focusing on each movement

               She drew a wet cloth from the basin and squeezed it before bringing to his neck, pausing before touching him. Finally she raised her gaze to his face and he looked back at her for a moment, his expression unreadable, but she felt his permission to continue in the release of the tension in his shoulders. She pressed one hand to his chest and with the other gently began cleaning the wound and wiping the dried blood from his skin. He relaxed into her touch a bit but she could still feel his heart slam against his chest. She could feel his pain finally reaching his brain, processing, and thinking about what he had done. He wasn’t in the moment anymore and his failure was coming down on him. He had failed to rid himself of his connection to the light; he had failed to overcome his obstacles, and his sacrifice hadn’t brought him closer to the clarity he had been seeking. His breathing quickened and she stopped as bringing her free hand to his cheek, looking up at him, directing his gaze towards her.

               “Let me in.” She said gently her grey eyes locked onto his. He reached up gripping her wrist and pulled the cloth from her hand. He kicked his boots off and leaned forward reaching around behind her to turn the shower faucet on. She kicked her shoes off, as he took her other hand and they guided one another under the stream of warm water. The blood slowly began to wash away running down his chest, and as he pulled her closer to him, faded rusty rivers ran across her hands as her fingers wound around his upper arms.  

               She saw every moment of the past day pass by slow and hazy. Her fingers gently ran along the edge of the fresh wound at his shoulder. Actual healers would be able to do much better work to fade the damage on the outside, keep the wound from scarring as badly or from getting infected. For her part, she did her best to calm his mind as he allowed her into the recent torturous memories. His father’s face passed intermittently through the memories of the day, other faces too, his mother, Skywalker, the girl. He pulled her tighter against him as he leaned against the back of the shower, his hands sliding from her arms to her waist, water streaming down between them washing away the blood on his face. She reached up wiping a smear of red from his cheek.

               “You’re disappointed” he said, his fingers digging into the exposed flesh just above her hips. She sighed relaxing against him, watching him carefully for a moment before ghosting one hand across the blaster wound at his side. He restrained a hiss of pain and looked at her once more, her grey eyes dark and sad as she watched him steadily for a moment before her gaze drifted to the scar.

               “So are you.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hoping this doesn't come out as the ramblings of a sleep deprived slow-burn torturer who just wanted something a little fluffy. It will.. #sorrynotsorry
> 
> Regretfully yours,  
> \- M

_He watched her untangle herself from his grasp, her hands pushing back his now soaked hair from his face, avoiding the open burned gash. Waves of dark hair were plastered to her cheeks and her bare shoulders, her hand delicately traced along the uninjured side of his face before she reached behind him to turn the water off. He could feel the burning pain as the extent of his injuries began to demand that they be felt. He knew she could see his resistance weakening; he stood up straight and moved past her staggering slightly as he reached the doorway. He reached a hand out, holding the frame for a moment, resisting the strange urge to look back at the pale eyed girl with the gentle hands who stood soaking wet in his shower. “Call Medical” he muttered without glancing back._  
_  
_                It had been hours since the medical officer and assistant had breezed past Neera for the second time, looking worse for the wear. Even in such disrepair, Kylo Ren was an intimidating and formidable force, and he was a terrible patient.  She could feel the intense concentration it took to keep himself from actively resisting the doctors. It took all of her restraint to keep from chastising him when he nearly ripped off the hand of the assistant when he tried to spread a cell regenerative ointment across his face. She reached one hand up, her hair was almost dry, and her clothes were still quite damp and uncomfortably so as she sat in the chair opposite the mask drifting in and out of a very restless sleep, her cloak draped across her as a blanket.

“It’s insufferable…” She perked slightly at the sound of his voice coming from the now open door. She glanced up and saw Kylo Ren sitting at the side of the large bed the side of his face and shoulder covered by thin white bandages, one hand wrapped around his bandaged side. “Listening to you toss around in that chair.” She frowned at him, hurling the expression like an insult, too tired to respond. She did, however, understand him well enough to know that his insult was an invitation of sorts. She stood, walking tiredly into his room and sitting down on the end of the bed. She felt the weight of his body lift off of the mattress as he walked around to stand before her.

“Take off your clothes”   She was unable to control the startled look she shot him. He watched a pale blush spread under her skin as her eyes went wide in shock then narrowed. When she finally examined his expression she caught the self-satisfied smirk and deepened her frown. “That can’t be comfortable.” He said walking away, disappearing into the bathroom, the door sliding closed behind him.   She watched him go, disapproving of his rude coping mechanisms but curiously pleased with the somewhat thoughtful intention.

She slid out of her pants, kicking the damp article across the room. She stood and crossed the room, pulling open drawers and searching out dry clothing. As she pulled a dark tunic undershirt from the top drawer, images entered her mind, familiar at first then, decidedly more unique.

_Hands skimming across soaked fabric – dark waves against pale skin, a single lock curled just at the corner of a pair of full soft lips – fingers knotting and wringing at the back of her shirt – A pair of hands gripped her waist and spun her around, one hand splayed against her abdomen, sliding up under the wet fabric—Her head leaned back as another hand reached across her chest to her neck, teeth grazed her jawline and her breath hitched at the sounds of her name on his lips._

She gripped the edge of the dresser, unsure of exactly how much air was left in her lungs. “ _Unbelievable.”_ She thought to herself, all at once confused, annoyed, and less than displeased at the intrusion into her thoughts. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath deciding on what if any response as she thought she sensed the door about to open behind her.

He walked through the door and was met by a pair of bare legs, fabric being pulled up over dark curls revealing the curve of her back, an expanse of smooth pale skin. He watched her hip hitch as she pulled the new shirt down and tugged it down to the top of her thighs. She turned and crossed the room and lay down on the bed as if collapsing in slow motion. He paused for a moment unsure if the act was intentional or coincidental and decided it wasn’t important as he watched her turn her back to him, her legs slipping under the blankets. He shook himself from the rigid stance his body had taken on and lay down on top of the blankets at the far side of the bed.  

He watched her for a moment as her breathing became even and shallow, her shoulders moving every so often with a single contented and sleepy sigh. He remembered their first session; her first demand had been that he remove the helmet show her his face. He reached one hand out to touch her but stopped as his shoulder protested in a single searing shot of pain. He allowed himself to wince as he pulled his arm back to his lap.

She was entirely too close and impossibly far away all at once. He could feel her drawing him in, pulling at him but the direction was unclear, and he still knew so little about her.

_“I removed my mask, when will I see you without yours?”_


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm mean, it's 2am, I worked a full crazy week, it's a holiday, I'm single now (yay me!) - I present you with a cliff hanging chapter in need of a re-write. It's a two parter, I'll update within a few days - Lots of Love. 
> 
> Singularly Yours,  
> \- M

Days had passed since she had last seen him. She was sure he had slept at some point by the depression in the sheets next to her when she woke up. Despite the few traces he left, it appeared that Kylo Ren was distracting himself with work somewhere, keeping his mind occupied and as far away from her as he could. Neera was used to being confined to her own quarters; being locked up in here didn’t make much of a difference beyond the lack of familiarity with her surroundings. She had, however, begun to become more concerned, though not at all surprised, about how he was handling his defeat on Starkiller and the self-inflicted trauma of having murdered his own father.

               Neera spent her days trying to amuse herself with what little work she was given and studying the sparse and mainly military and history related archives of the ships library. With each day that passed without an actual sighting of her reluctant roommate she had grown more comfortable in the space.  Neera leaned forward, elbows on her knees, in the deep leather chair opposite the helmet, her confinement and almost complete isolation had begun to breed not only boredom but a growing irritable frustration.  She frowned at the dark mask before her catching glimpses of the memories the item held. _The sound of heavy mechanical breaths, a hand reaching out desperate to save the child from a previous life, the hum of a light saber cutting down the only father he’d ever known._

               “He doesn’t speak.” A low familiar voice broke her concentration. His presence set her immediately on edge, all of her muscles became concrete under her skin for a moment. She rapidly pulled herself from the comfortable depths of her isolation and forced herself to relax.

               “He isn’t silent though.” She said as she leaned back in the chair continuing to stare down the mask, he hummed in reply. She listened as a few footsteps brought him closer, each step reminding her of his absence, of having been left alone in this damned room while he ignored his problems.  When he finally reached her side she turned to look at him. The healers had obviously worked tirelessly on his more visible wounds. A tender looking bright pink scar ran from a thin line to a wider raised scar down his cheek before disappearing under a high dark collar. His eyes seemed somehow darker, more tired, and older, he met her gaze for a moment and for a moment her resolve was softened by his obvious torment. Then, he looked away and walked towards the bedroom. He ignored her yet again, her sympathy evaporated and the lonely frustration that had been bubbling for days erupted into full-fledged anger. Her mind became unfiltered and blindingly loud, it nearly stopped him in his tracks.

               “Do you think what you’re doing will make it all go away?” Her voice was tense as she rose from the chair. He froze just as he passed through the doorway, “You’re ignoring the pull to the light, and you’re burying what you did as though it never happened. You are ignoring the pain you feel because you believe it shouldn’t have hurt; you’re ignoring the consequence because you thought it was the solution.” She approached him her voice was slowly rising, stronger with each accusation.  She saw his shoulders rise and fall, a taught controlled inhale and exhale, she was getting to him. She could feel him recoiling, his anger building into a storm that was beginning to spread from his mind out into the room.

               “You’re hiding because you can’t stand it.” Her voice waivered with anger as she reached him, standing inches away. He turned on her, dark and dangerous, but so was she. Her rage was meeting his, she was angry that he had ignored her, she was heartbroken for him that he had chosen the path he did, and she was positively irate that he refused to accept that what he had done and that it hadn’t made his path any clearer.  “You were wrong.”

               “And you are a constant reminder.” His voice was disturbingly quiet, and eerily gentle “You look into my mind, you trespass and take what you steal from my memories, you hurl them back at me-“his tone was becoming darker as he came closer to her.

               “No one else will.” She hissed. “The personage is not sacred, you are human. I’m just the only person in the Order who dares anger the Jedi Killer” He tensed at the name. She smiled, devastatingly sad and furious at the same time “See, even that bothers you, you don’t push yourself. You bury yourself in belief and follow blindly... and it breaks my heart” all of the air seemed to leave her chest at the final admission. He took a step back and turned to sit at the end of the bed.

               “It hurts.” He said quietly, his tone more resigned, the exhaustion in his voice was palpable. Her resolve softened as he opened up, as much as admitting to the content of her accusations. She crossed the room and stood before him.  “He’s gone but I can still feel the call, and the girl…” he reached up touching the scar where it crossed just between his eyes before sliding his hand up through his hair. Neera could see images of the battle flitting through his mind she could feel the memory of pure adrenaline and searing pain as he fought against his own body to continue on through the duel. She reached up and placed her hand on his head, her fingers lacing over his. He wasn’t hiding from her any more, he wasn’t exactly working out his conflicts, but he wasn’t running from them either. It was the closest he had come to accepting his other self, the part of him that was truly drawn to the light. 

               _“That’s enough for today”_ she decided, she was done pushing him. His hand slid away from hers and he looked up at her, her hand sliding to the scar on his cheek as he moved. He closed his eyes with a somewhat pained expression at the familiar gesture.  “Kylo…” her voice was soft and low, he tensed at his name. The connection between them, the openness of his mind that had existed in the tense intimate moments severed like a thin strand broken by an icy guillotine. Her hand dropped from his face and she stepped back as he rose from his place on the bed.

               “What are you doing?” The chill in his voice nearly struck her down. His mind pressed against hers, forcefully, violently. She could feel him searching for answers, trying to find some sort of motivation for her kind gestures, some trickery in her actions. She felt his sudden questioning and the air left her lungs as she grasped for how to reel him back in. She stood firmly as he loomed over her.

“You’re not just pushing, you’re pushing in a direction, and you’re pulling, drawing me in.” His mind was erratic and cloudy, she couldn’t see into his thoughts. Lost for any way to manipulate she returned to the blunt honesty they’d shared moments before.

“I refuse to be your blind and silent follower Kylo Ren.” She declared, her glare unwavering as she stared right back at him.

He walked around her pausing to lean down and question her once more, his lips inches from her ear. “Then what are you?” his voice was dangerously gentle but sensed hesitation in his reaction. He still trusted her, he wanted to believe her.

“I’m here. Not because I have to be, not because you frighten me, and by now I’m sure you know it’s not because I am so desperately dedicated to the order that it runs through my veins.” His hand gripped the back of her neck at the final rebellious declaration. She turned in his grip, pressing her bare throat against his hand; his grip loosened allowing her some movement.

“I’m not your captive, I’m not your enemy, I’m not your servant… but whatever path you choose,” She reached up, one hand trailing to his side where the blaster wound was still tender beneath his tunic, “I’ll be here.” His grip loosened more, his hand moving to the side of her neck, his thumb brushing across her windpipe. He trusted her, she wasn’t hiding anything from him, and he believed her.

She could feel him relax beneath her touch as her hand splayed out across his ribs, her free hand rising to rest on his chest. He wove his fingers through her hair his other hand winding around her waist as she leaned into his embrace. The room became incredibly heavy all at once, the air was thick and each move felt like it could spark a static shock.  His hand pressed possessively against the small of her back, she gripped the tender wound at his side in response. He inhaled sharply and for a moment everything went still, their eyes locked and wrapped in one another’s embrace they were still challenging each other, still defiant.

               He retaliated first…


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo lovelies. I promised so here and I'm a tiny bit mean so there. :)
> 
> Delieriously yours, 
> 
> -M

He retaliated first…         

               The pain burned through his side as her fingers gripped into his tender ribs. Her pale grey eyes were defiant and loyal all at once challenging him; he hooked his thumb under her jaw tilting her face towards his. A breathy sigh betray the hardness in her firm gaze and he smirked in response, the small victory he found in her response pushed him over the edge. His hand knotted in her hair and they crashed into one another.

               Her breath was stolen from her as his lips captured hers. He pulled back for a moment watching her, his gaze darkening, heavily lidded. Warm breaths mingled for a moment, he could feel her chest rise and fall against his. Her name formed on his lips but before he could finish, she stopped him.  Her free hand gripped in the front of his tunic pulling him closer bringing him back to her with equal fervor. Her lips molded to his gentle and steely all at once. Her lips, her hands, her neck, every bare bit of skin that touched his suddenly felt like fire. He gripped her neck pulling back a moment nipping at her lower lip as he did. Her hands took the break as an opportunity to move to his face, her fingers gliding over both scarred and unmarred flesh before her hands wove into a mess of dark waves. He sighed relaxing into the intimate gesture.

               “I-” Her breathless voice managed to attempt an interruption. 

               “No.” He cut her off a trace of coldness in his tone, his sharp gaze meeting hers. “Not now.” She frowned a little, hiding as much of her concern as she could, it wasn’t too hard as her other senses, her other emotions were beginning to take over. She stepped back and he followed suit, her arms wrapping around his neck as he pressed her against the wall of his bedroom. His mind was slowly focusing on just her; she could see in his mind each caress, the tensing of each of her muscles under his hands. She could hear her own breath in his ear and she could feel the gentle flutter of her heart against his chest as he held her against him.  He enjoyed the sensation of her fingers in his hair; she felt the pause in his pulse when a tiny quiet sound escaped her lips, a hitched breath in response to his touch.

She lost her capability for defiance and met him once again pulling him to her slowly at first then with growing fervor. He pulled at the collar of her tunic loosening the top down around her shoulders. His lips made their way down her jawline in agonizingly slow biting kisses to the most tender part of her neck, listening, feeling as her breath became more and more uneven as he neared the perfect spot.  He leaned against her, his nose brushing her neck, his breath warming her skin. She could feel him searching her mind, listening to find what would illicit the desired response. She offered him a tiny reward for the consideration, her fingers sliding further into his hair pressing gently into his scalp willing him to continue. She felt him smile against her skin before sliding his arm completely around her waist anchoring her to him as he held her up against the wall pressing his hips to hers, suckling at the flesh just below her ear then nipping his way back up her neck. He lost himself in her deep sigh for a moment before returning to capture her lips with his.

He pressed his forehead to hers his thumb brushing her lower lip before capturing her chin firmly in his grasp and kissing her soundly once more.  “Neera…” Her name on his lips was almost pleading; he needed her, just her. She could feel him trying to escape into her. His feelings were genuine but his motivation was misguided.  She could feel him taking control and distracting her and distracting himself even more. She fought against her body to be able to push him away.

He felt the tenseness return to her body, her mind was returning to their previous conversation, she was drifting away from him. He felt her probing into his mind like a gentle caress but invasive none-the-less. His gaze returned to hers, reprimanding and disappointed. Her hands slid down to rest flat on his chest, establishing a few inches of agonizingly empty space between them.  His grip on her loosened and his hand fell away from her face, his arm sliding to rest on her hip.

“You don’t get to decide what I need.” The irritation in his voice bubbled beneath the firm authoritative tone he usually reserved for Hux, he stepped back releasing her completely “You’re neither my doctor nor my master.”

               “No, I’m far more demanding, and I ask far more of you.”

               “Yet you give little in return.” His voice was nearing frigid, “You insist I work to understand my past and deal with whatever demons you see inside me, but refuse to share any part of yourself.” She flinched at the callous but not entirely inaccurate accusation.

               The room was silent for a moment as they faced off, resolve quickly weakening. She stepped towards him but his reproachful gaze stopped her.

“I have work to do.” He snatched his helmet from the table as he turned to leave. She sighed listening to the doors slid open and shut as he left.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MINI CHAPTER! I have the other part 90% done but wanted to update. I'll be adding chapter 16 tonight as well...
> 
> Dividedly yours, 
> 
> \- M

He paused for a moment as the door slid closed behind him. He could still feel her fingers in his hair, her kiss-swollen lips warm and fevered against his. He could hear her voice murmuring his name, the angry and broken look in her eyes as she confronted him – _“You’re hiding”, “You were wrong”, “It breaks my heart.”… “I’ll be here”_. She was maddening, captivating, rebellious, and there was something so very lonely about her. The tiny cracks in the façade she had been forced to wear all these years were few and small. She kept her mind closed to him it drove him mad to be kept in the dark. He had to take hold of each word, every movement and touch, and the few thoughts she allowed. As someone who was used to taking what he wanted and ripping the thoughts from others, he had been unsettled by his hesitation to do the same to her. He wasn’t sure of the exact moment it happened but she had become more than one of the faceless drones, when he began to want – he wasn’t even sure.

It was becoming less and less of a need to be on even ground and more of a desire to understand her. She was diving so deep into his memories and getting so close, it disturbed him that she still remained a predominantly unknown entity. And still, he could see the way she looked at him, the few slips in her mask revealed patches of her past and there was something about the way she spoke to him, how she moved in sync with him and responded to him exactly as he needed. Moments flashed through his mind –

_He watched her as she stood by the window in her quarters, staring out at the stars “You’re selfish too” - - Breathless and clouded by anger, she stared back at him as his hand tightened on her neck and she spoke his true name, his heart stopped - - Her hand slid across his cheek, her eyes locked with his, water and blood streaming down her body and over her hands, His fingers knotted in heavy wet fabric - - Her stare was deadly “I am not your enemy”_

He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, he knew he was avoiding, but she was too and he had work to do.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up late on a work night because I promised - HAS HAD A RE-WRITE SINCE PUBLISHING ON 7/6
> 
>  
> 
> Loyally yours, 
> 
> \- M

Several more days of absence had passed. Not long after Kylo had stormed out, Hux and an escort of two junior officers arrived to inform her that she would soon be provided her own quarters. Now that many of the troops that had used the Finalizer as an evacuation point had been spread amongst the fleet space was freeing up and the ship becoming less chaotic.

“There is a small training room and gym down the hall that is available for your use, these men have been made available as your escorts.” She eyed Hux suspiciously; this was more freedom than she was normally given. The circumstances, however, were less than normal and she was still a precious commodity. In all of the hysteria and confusion of the past days her comfort had appropriately not been Hux’s first priority.

Neera had decided to take full advantage of the space offered to her along with the more lax supervision, and fulfil her need for some kind of outlet for her energy. Strengthening her skills at hand to hand combat wouldn’t hurt either. She was sure the officers had been instructed to interact with her as little as possible but she made quick work of their resistance, swore/persuaded them to secrecy, and insisted they assist her in the gymnasium.  Despite their cooperation she was unable to pull full sentences from them, much less an actual conversation.

The training room was large and bright, mats lined the floor and sparring equipment hung on the walls along with additional padding and a simulation panel.  She wore a very fitted sleeveless tunic, having been careful to wear her cloak over the revealing garment during her trip down the hall, lest anyone beyond her new private escorts see the Oracle being less than modest.  The two officers were dressed in similar black tunics used for training. The one called Roux stood by the door his hands clasped behind his back, he was unspeakably tall and broad, his dark skin and marbled brown eyes were striking and intimidating. The other officer, Thal, stood barefoot before her, his deeply tanned arms tense and ready to respond to an attack. His eyes were pale green like the vein of an ivy leaf beneath his dark brows. She shifted her weight as she watched him carefully, her stony grey eyes locked with his, she preferred Thal over Roux as a sparring partner, he looked her in the eye and she felt he used more of his full strength when they fought, he didn’t let her win.  His moderately smaller stature was also less frightening than Roux’s mountainous frame and stoic expression. She smirked and lurched at Thal, leaping at him, he barely had time to brace himself as her legs wrapped around his middle. She knocked the breath out of him twisting her body and throwing her weight to flip him onto the mats landing on his chest. He groaned, but was still able to retaliate; wrapping his arms behind her hips and launching her over his head she rolled into a kneeling position as she landed. He sprung up and turned in time to catch her wrist within a breath of making contact with his throat. She smirked and pulled her hand back and walked to the edge of the room picking up a towel, pressing it to her face.

“You have improved.” Thal said curtly, barely hiding a small smile of his own, one hand rubbing his lower back as he shrugged on a long sleeved tunic top. Neera glanced over at him, and nodded her breathing beginning to return to normal. She watched him walk to the edge of the room imaging how much better she would be if she used her abilities to anticipate his movements. She was working towards a fair fight, invading the officers less capable mind wouldn’t improve her other skills against a more formidable opponent.

“You can both wait outside.” She muttered turning to the back of the room towards the simulation panel. She pressed a few buttons and the room dimmed as the two men exited to stand in the hall. She heard the door slide shut behind them and the room darkened so that only vague shapes were decipherable. She took a blindfold from a rest on the console and tied it securely over her eyes. She took her place at the center of the room and inhaled deeply as a mechanical hum swelled. A ghosting pain shot like a shock down her arm along the scar that ran from her wrist to her shoulder. The deafening screams and the noxious scent of gas and smoke subsided as she exhaled, the high pitch of a blaster broke the relative silence and she dove forward, tumbling nimbly away, landing lightly in a catlike crouch.  Another blaster shot at her head nearly grazing her ear as she twisted away.  Several more blaster shots fired in quick succession and she flipped backwards in some highly acrobatic leaps landing near the back of the room facing the wall.

She heard door slide open and shut as someone entered the room. Doing her best to ignore the new presence she dodged another quick succession of blasts aimed at her feet dashing back towards the center of the room, dipping from the last shot fired at her abdomen nearly losing her balance. She heard the rustle of fabric as a cloak fell to the floor near the console. She paused and heard the blaster fire again, she spun away but wasn’t fast enough. The blaster grazed her hip, burning through the fabric and searing her skin, she stumbled her landing her hand instinctively gripping her side then springing back realizing the pain it caused. She heard him tap a few buttons on the console and the mechanical hum of the blasters subsided. The thud of his shoes and the rustle of more fabric was clear in the now silent room.

She listened as he approached slowly, predatory. She could feel the tenseness of his body, his eyes on her in the dark room as he came towards her in a slow spiral pressing into the space. She flexed her fingers as he drew near, ready to react. Instead his voice broke the silence.

“Why aren’t you using your abilities?” He was standing behind her, she didn’t move, didn’t so much as cock her head at him, focusing on the few sounds he made as he moved.

“Don’t you think I’m capable without them?” She questioned in return, a small smile playing on her lips.

“Against some opponents, yes.” He mused, he was moving around, now standing several feet to her left.

“But not you?” She asked, encouraged by his relative levity.

“Definitely not.”  He was almost in front of her and she swore he was smiling too. Her heightened senses felt the slight rush of air against her skin as his body moved towards her. She leapt back but he caught her by the waist. Her legs kicked up off the ground in a swift powerful motion, spinning his out of arms, head over heels, and landing lightly on the floor just behind him. Her arms flung around his neck and she hurled her body up and around using her weight to throw him off balance and try to bring him to his knees. He stumbled but caught her arm as she moved, changing her trajectory, she instinctively clung tighter, swinging around him. He grabbed her leg, attempting to pin her as her body made flush contact with his chest. Her other leg wrapped around his middle and she threw her weight forward to push him down. She felt the twist of his abdomen and the grip of his arms as he turned in the fall, unable to stop him from pinning her to the floor with the weight of his body. The air was knocked from her lungs but his hand cradled her head.

She could feel his breath against her lips; a lock of his hair brushed her cheek.  He watched her lips part as his hand skimmed from her thigh to rest at her waist. He felt her thoughts for a brief moment, - - her _hands running along his bare arms; her cheek pressed against his neck her chin resting on his shoulder. - - Her_ skin flushed at the slip in her own defenses then his mind pressed harder against hers and she slipped again.  - - _The hands that gripped her flesh were forceful, violent and not his own. A young uniformed officer pressed a teenage girl against a wall, his face buried in her hair, his nails digging into her wrists - -_ She the felt the tensing and release of his muscles before he untangled his body from hers and stood, pulling her up with him by the hand.

“I was right.” He said tersely. She could hear the unevenness of his breathing; feel the tenseness in his hand as he took the unnecessary step of ensuring her balance before moving to release her. The rage that he felt at the last vision consumed the hope he had felt when began to open her mind to him. Her hand started to reach out to him but she paused just short of reaching his chest, the air around him almost vibrating with anger. Her fingers rested lightly on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat. She reached slowly towards his face with her other hand, still blinded by the cloth over her eyes. Her palm conformed to the curve of his face. She could feel his heart beat slow down, a steady normal rhythm returning.

“I told you I was capable without my gifts.” She said gently feeling his chest rise and fall in a resigned sigh, though still not letting go of the image that had slipped from her consciousness.

 He was silent for a moment and she could feel a shift in the air, she could almost feel his gaze moving over her body in the near darkness, first to the fresh burn on her hip then to the long scar that ran along her arm. He stepped closer once more and she turned her palm out as he reached for her hand. He took it, his fingers pressing into her palm as he brought it to his lips kissing the soft flesh at the base of her thumb.

 “Let me in” he murmured against her skin, His other hand ghosted over the scar starting at her wrist and slowly winding his way up her arm before stopping at her shoulder sliding behind her shoulder where the scar widened into a larger star shaped mark.  She shivered as his hand fell back to his side and he released her hand, leaving her blind and without contact, she reached out taking his hand in hers, releasing the breath she had been holding.

_A small girl, no older than five or six, ran barefooted through a moss carpeted clearing, ancient trees laden with heavily leafed vines and gnarled bark stood all around her as she bound over the roots. Sunlight peeked through the few gaps in the tree making a mottled pattern on the forest floor. The girl tripped and rolled, giggling into a bouncy patch of moss and grass beneath a particularly large tree. A boy, not much older than her dark haired woman carrying a small child came into view through the trees._

_“Neera! You’re too fast!” the boy collapsed next to her, his pale grey eyes and dark hair matched hers. The woman leaned into one hip bouncing the dark haired child further up into her grasp._

_“Come darling,” The woman reached out a hand, her smile broad and warm “Let’s go home.”_

The image turned dark and the figures faded, the patchy sunlight was replaced with darkness, smoke rolled into the scene and Kylo Ren recognized the image of the injured girl faced by approaching officers of the First Order. 

_Another hand reached out to the girl, her arm now soaked in blood, her breathing labored. The pale auburn haired young man gripped her forearm pulling her up by her injured limb and hoisting her into his arms as she passed out from the pain. He cradled her against his body as he stepped over her mother’s body, passing by the burning buildings as the group boarded the ship._

He could feel her mind dig into his to share the images, like the sharp claws of a bird of prey gripping into his flesh for sure purchase. Each image was more painful than the last as it entered his thoughts. He looked down at her, his hand reaching up to the blindfold that shielded her from his direct gaze. He ran his fingertips along her cheek slipping under the fabric of the blindfold at her temples, slipping it up and over her forehead. He caught more images as he did –

_A woman’s arms wrapped tightly around the small girl - - a young Neera lay crumpled in a tense writhing pile before the Supreme Leader, a single shrieking cry resounding in the large room - - A young wide eyed teen watched battle-ravaged Kylo Ren return from a raid, her cautious and careful gaze catching every movement and each source of hidden pain - - A small girl held a small new baby as the two were cradled in the lap of a tall man with deeply tanned skin and pale grey eyes._

“That’s enough.” He said firmly, resting his hands on either side of her face. He was left somewhat reeling from the ordeal, his bones felt like ice that had somehow been set on fire. She looked up at him her pale grey eyes luminous in the dim light.

“Yes it is.” She said quietly, her breathing was quick and shallow and she looked equally worn. She watched him for a moment then looked down. “I’m tired,” she said and stepped back out of his reach, scooping a pile of fabric from the floor, draping her cloak over her shoulders and heading towards the door, ignoring the darkness of the room. He didn’t move to follow her, watching her as she passed into the brightly lit hall.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one but hey it's something - potential re-write

Kylo watched her retreating figure disappear into the hall, followed by the two officers. He turned and tiredly gathered his things, re-equipping himself to be properly presented to the world as Kylo Ren. He could still see the hands of the young officer wrapped around her wrists, his chest tightened and he paused, forcing the breath out of his lungs in an attempt to relieve the pressure building inside him. Every time they came together they seemed to harm each other. Each time he felt her trust him more, he dove back in, wanting to know more about her. He wanted to close the impossibly vast distance between them. He wanted to reach out and draw her in, but it felt like he was wrapping himself in thorns. Her confronting nature disturbed him; her resistance to the ideals of the First Order gave him pause as well. Though he wasn’t altogether surprised, she had been captured at an age too old to be indoctrinated and, as an alternative, re-education might have dampened or damaged her abilities. Perhaps, he thought, if he brought her with him on missions, he frowned at the notion unsure of its potential.

The image of Hux’s hands on Neera’s body flickered through his head again -- _the hands were suddenly his, but still she struggled under his touch. He gripped onto her wrists trying to show her it was him. She refused to look at him, he reached for her face and suddenly his entire body felt like fire, her scream pierced the humming struggled silence_ \-- His vision refocused and he slowly unclenched his jaw. She made him so incredibly selfish, she distracted him, and she made him question himself and the First Order.  He was already through the door when he finally began to realize exactly how angry he was. His nerves felt electric and frayed, as he stalked down the hall towards his quarters. He was furious with her for constantly challenging him, calling him wrong; calling into question every devastating sacrifice he had made to become Kylo Ren. He was angry with Hux, with the officers that came before him, his mother’s laughter burned through his mind; he shook off the onslaught of sounds and voices that began to invade his consciousness, becoming louder and more insistent.

He was through the door; he could hear the water running from the back of his quarters. He could see her through the open doorways, standing half clothed before the sink. A bloodied cloth clamped to the raw burn on her hip, a hiss escaped her lips as she quickly replaced the cloth with a smooth patch of bandage.  She could feel the fury in his mind the moment he came through the door, the rage constricting her insides like a sickness. She breathed out pressing back against her own physical pain and infectious anger, willing him to calm down, to quiet his mind.  Slowly she felt his mind open, he was trying so very hard he was wary and furious but he was still trying to reach out to her. She turned and took a few steps into the bedroom, watching him as he approached slowly, his anger receding into exhaustion as he reached her.

 “No more.” He said, his voice was thick and his gaze dark. She froze at the declaration, automatically searching his mind. He tensed but he didn’t push her out. He feared how he trusted her and found comfort in her despite evidence to the contrary. He wanted her to feel differently, he wanted so badly for her to simply become the servant to the order that everyone thought she was. It would be so much easier, but for now, he demanded nothing, was seeking nothing more than she truly was.  “I am –“ He paused “I’m here too.”

She hesitated, watching him for a moment, tensing a bit as he closed the last few steps of distance between them. “You’ll be at my side. No more hurting each other, then running. No more evading and no more distracting.” He reached her, his tone gentle but full of resolve.

“You’re capable of that?” She asked, serious and petulant at the same time.

“And I think you are as well.” He said firmly, his eyes boring into hers, the darkly intense and exhausted look of the battle ravaged young man she’d seen all those years ago. He was raw, strong, and damaged beyond belief, but he, had never been without conviction and he had never lied, never to her. So she believed him.

“No more.” She repeated, a question and an agreement, her hands rising to rest on his chest, leaning in.

“No more.” He replied, his voice a quiet exhale as he drew her in, tilting her face towards his lips brushing hers as he murmured, “I promise.” Her fingers twisted in the front of his tunic, pulling him back towards her and he complied, his lips capturing hers once more.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but we're in a shifting period, bigger and better things to come, so bear with me. Much Love - M

Her heart felt as though it was spinning, she fought to control the palpating feeling in her chest, keeping it from spreading to her lungs. In that moment she couldn’t separate the driving need to bury herself in his embrace and the searing fear and doubt in every action she had taken that had brought them together. She remembered, enveloped in his arms, the feeling of his lips still fresh on hers, that he was dangerous and so far from the possibility of redemption. For a moment the control and trust she had always felt with him, was slipping, the thought was fleeting though. She became selfish and distracted as his hand brushed her cheek and his gaze met hers, his eyes holding a rare gentleness. He spoke her name and she crumbled when the rarest smiles touched his lips, the gesture was even reflected in his eyes. He looked so young and undamaged, and she couldn’t resist. Her hands slipped up his chest, feeling the erratic fluttering there, before moving up and around his neck to pull herself closer to him. He obliged, tightening his grip on her waist, holding her up against him, his free hand knotting in her hair.  With a deep sigh they slowly released each other, leaning into one another’s arms. She looked up at him as he brushed her hair back from her face. She immediately hated the new and horrifyingly wonderful way he was able to silence her, her mind began drifting to more exquisitely terrible ways he might distract her. She recalled the thoughts he had let slip to her, - - _Her head leaned back as another hand reached across her chest to her neck, teeth grazed her jawline - -_ she looked up at him, he could see the familiar image flit through her mind and smirked in response.

“You haven’t slept.” She murmured, noting the dark rings around his eyes and his heavy tired movements.

“No” he agreed his grip on her loosening reluctantly, more of his exhaustion showing.

“You were avoiding me.” She noted.

“That’s taking an awful lot of credit.” He scoffed, releasing her and reaching to remove his cloak.

“Though not entirely inaccurate.” She said gently, reaching up to the collar of his tunic, unfastening the dark constricting garment, uncovering his scarred neck and chest. One hand smoothed over the deep pink scar along his shoulder. She felt him tense just a fraction before relaxing as he reached up and finished removing the outer tunic himself, discarding it on the floor beside them.

“It doesn’t matter.”  He said dismissively, his tone was still quite gentle though, mostly tired. He turned and moved towards his bed, pulling back the covers. He paused and as if on cue, he felt her hand rest against his bare back. His muscles unknotted under her touch, her hand lingered for a moment before sliding away as he turned to face her. “There is a lot of work to do. The destruction of StarKiller – much of the fleet was lost.” He muttered, glossing over addressing actual loss of life.  He sat down on the bed and “The ranks will have to be refurnished.”  He was slipping back into working, his mind began to wander back to his mission, to all the things he needed to do, to all the work that needed to be done.

She could sense something in his gaze, he wanted something, to ask for something but he was holding back. Her questions fell silent in her throat as his hands found their place at the curve of her waist.

“Whatever you need.” She said, answering the unasked question, whatever it was “I’ve already told you I’m here.” He watched her, for a moment, she didn’t know what he would be asking of her, what he wanted her to do. She didn’t know what she was agreeing to. He pulled her towards him, guiding her onto the bed to lay beside him.

“I need to sleep.” He said the resignation in his voice clear. She hummed in agreement and in a moment that felt out of reach and impossible, even as it occurred, the two drifted to sleep, side by side uninterrupted in comfortable silence. She held onto consciousness as long as she could to watch the rare scene of a sleeping Kylo Ren, his expression untroubled, his mind quiet.  She kept the image in her mind until finally, it faded to black.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be edited - sorry I'm in the middle of moving and some training trips out of town. Love!
> 
> Reboundingly yours - M

He woke in the darkness, his mind was practically humming, insisting on action, on movement and thought – he had to get up. He had never really been one to sleep through the night. He remembered waking to the sounds of his parents arguing, or laughing depending on the day, or simply waking to wander the house in the dark, relishing the stillness and deeply dark quiet of the halls. He found that in the night Neera had gravitated closer to him, her body curled next to his, her forehead resting against his shoulder as he slept on his back beside her. In the still darkness he watched her for a moment, her dark lashes curled against her cheeks, her warm skin pressed against his. He sat up slowly as not to wake her. Reaching out, his fingers brushed her cheek as he looked into her mind as gently as he could. Her thoughts were quiet as she slept soundly, but a few images flickered in and out.   _Enormous mossy trees - - Beams of green sunlight - - the laugher of a young woman - - strong slender arms gripped around a young girl - - the smell of ash._  He sighed at the now familiar memory, pulling away as the images edged on the dark turn in the story. He brushed her hair back in a gesture that felt both unfamiliar and automatic, taking one last moment at her side before quietly dressing in the dark and leaving his sleeping companion.

She woke to silence and a cool depression in the blankets keeping her company on the other side of the bed. The room was dark, her body suddenly fully awake as she pushed herself up, looking around. A few moments of confusion passed slowly before she could feel his presence like a wave of warmth seeping into her skin. She touched a switch and a few dim lights slowly lit as she pulled on her training tunic and, in her bare feet, slipped down the hall towards the training room. Thal and Roux were absent from their usual posts, but they probably expected she’d be asleep.  She felt a bit bold, venturing unescorted down the hall in bare feet, her shoulders chilled by the cold air of space. She heard a dull hum as she reached the training room, as the door opened the hum heightened to a sharp crackling buzz that quickly silenced, the red blade disappearing into the hand of the figure inside the dim room.  The blasters had already wound down from their training cycle. He turned, silently acknowledging her presence, waiting for her to approach. The weight of his admission, the change in their dynamic, slowly settled in with each step she took. It hadn't been a sudden breaking of a dam, getting close to him was like a flooding canal, full of locks that held fast against the walls of water until the force became too great and they had to be released.  The tension would build then they would take one giant leap forward only to hit another wall. She felt another wall when she looked at him now, there was still so much more… her thoughts trailed off as he faced her fully, her feet automatically bringing her closer to him. He still seemed a somewhat evasive as she reached him.

He had been practicing for hours, meditating, battling the droids, all in an effort to focus on ways to restore their ranks, to keep Neera close to him, to get back to his mission. He watched her carefully for a moment before loosening the grip on the metal hilted lightsaber in his hand, returning it to his side. He could feel her curious and probing gaze on him – she wasn’t exploring his mind, she just seemed to know something.  She knew him, she knew more about the real Kylo Ren than probably anyone else, he knew she could sense his unease so he decided to tell her – before she jumped to conclusions, before she saw further into his mind.

“You’ll be attending the military counsel today.” He said, the words flowing as if he had simply been noting the color of her tunic. She refrained from outwardly balking at the statement, controlling her expression as best she could.

“I can be useful there.” She replied, applying logic to the new assignment that had seemingly come from nowhere.  “I’m not often in attendance at meetings.” She noted diplomatically, her gaze drifting downward as she barely hid the sarcastic undercurrent to the observation.

“Yes.” He said, dismissing the small jab “and you will accompany the Knights of Ren on missions.” She looked back up at him, catching a tiny glimpse, more like a feeling – selfishness – it wasn’t simply convenience or necessity that was causing him to release her from her isolation. He wanted her there.  She was going with him, the small freedoms she had been granted were being expanded. The unbridled hope and fear at being allowed to emerge from her sequestered position was exhilarating.  

“You’re taking me with you.” She said, not able to keep the smile off her lips, an inappropriately childish excitement in her tone drew a slight frown from the serious looking young man before her. Neera heard the overly eager tone in her own voice and immediately gauged her reaction, scaling back as best she could. She had clear and present reservations about becoming so deeply and openly involved in the First Order but she was gaining so much more in the process that she forced herself to overlook it.

  Kylo paused, watching her react so pleasantly to the order. He had hoped she might react this way, he had hoped her human need for interaction and freedom would override any suspicion she might have. He wanted her to want to help. She was completely invaluable and with the fleet being damaged and low on troops, having another force-sensitive within the First Order was a fact that had to be exploited.

 “And your training will resume.” He turned a bit and took a step back, distancing himself from her. “You are not prepared to be a part of a mission.” His tone was clipped.

“I wouldn’t exactly say that.” She narrowed her gaze at him.

“We’ll start now.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first five words of the chapter say it all. I'm so sorry - had a lot going on but I'll keep writing if less frequently than usual :/ - Love! - M

It had been so long since anyone had truly put her through her paces, not since her trainings as a child had anyone pressed her so hard. Though she was more agile than Kylo, he was just as fast and his physical strength and lack of restraint kept her on the defense.  The gentleness with which he sometimes treated her vanished in his training.

               It must have been over an hour since they began. With each round he pressed harder, Kylo Ren was most certainly a teach-don’t-tell sort of instructor. Her knowledge of his body, his mind, his movements, all gave her advantages others might not have had but she certainly wasn’t prepared for the full attention and effort he gave her as his new student. Sweat rolled down her neck to the curve of her spine, her tunic shirt long discarded on the floor. Her breasts bound in a fitted cropped bandaging allowed her free movement without providing Kylo with the purchase of excess fabric, an advantage that had cost her a blow to the back of her head early on in the session. He watched her carefully, his bare chest heaving as he paced around her crouched figure.

               “Get up.” He commanded, earning himself a sharp glare, his own stare hardened at the reaction, challenging her. She stood slowly, concentrating on keeping her movements smooth, her muscles begging to be able to tremble with the effort, her knees nearly failing as she straightened to her full height.  He noted this, he could feel her exhaustion, her determination. “You’re not hiding it well enough.” He said crisply, she saw the shift in his weight; he was going to move towards her.   

Her gaze locked on to his as she side stepped him then lunged at his neck, wrapping one leg around him attempting to bring him down. He turned and gripped her by the waist with one arm, pinning her to the floor as she twisted her weight to bring him down.  The landing shot the air from her lungs and he held her down, her arms trapped beneath his chest. She struggled, straining against the weight with what remained of her strength. He moved his free arm to brace against her neck holding her down. He could see the anger and frustration growing in her eyes as she twisted about in his arms.

_She was twelve, breathless, sprinting barefoot down the icy hallway. Suddenly she couldn’t move gloved hands snatched her back, stopping her, pinning her to the floor. Three troopers restrained her to the ground. The last thing she saw was the sweep of a black robe._

He stilled her, his grip growing tighter as his gaze bore into hers, daring her to escape.  He leaned towards her, she could feel his breath on her neck as his cheek touched hers and he whispered her name. His voice was cold and taunting, Neera calmed her mind as best she could but the endeavor was as effective as hurling ice cubes at a forest fire. Kylo’s lips brushed her earlobe and she stiffened at what may have once been a tender gesture, squeezing her eyes shut at the triggered memory, _long cold fingers wrapped around her shoulder as many hands held her down. “Why don’t you get up?”_

He could feel the rare building rage within her, the exquisite thundering of her chest against his as her entire body hummed with resistance. He wanted to draw her out, to see her, to know she was capable of using that power. “Such weakness” he muttered his lips brushing against her skin _._

_She was freezing, the hall was dark, Snoke watched her coldly from the opposite side of the light. “Be stronger” the frigid deep voice commanded “Resist”. Suddenly she was screaming._

She snapped. Her mind invaded his like a hammer on iron, striking pain straight through to the center. He winced, reflexively pressing away from her, unintentionally releasing her arms. She bucked her hips violently and wrapped her legs around him flipping their twisted bodies so that she landed on top. Her hand shot to his throat pushing his head back onto the floor the heel of her hand digging into his windpipe, still pressing against his mind. He reached one hand up at her and she caught it, viciously slamming his wrist onto the floor. She stilled, finally gaining control over the knight now trapped beneath her. He forced his muscles to relax, showing her they were done. She maintained the pressure on his hand and neck but did not proceed further, her heaving breaths becoming quieter.

He reached his free hand up to her face. Neera flinched but released him her hands falling to her sides as she leaned back still sitting on top of him. She shut her eyes, working to slowly calm herself, to center her mind once more. She felt him sit up a bit beneath her his left wrist failing beneath him as he caught himself from falling with his right, leaning into his elbow. She exhaled and opened her eyes to look down at him. His cheeks were flushed, he cradled his arm to his abdomen, his hair was damp and pushed back off his face. The coldness in his gaze was thawing, as if remembering her slowly. She, however, still watched him warily. Her training sessions with Snoke and other memories were still biting at her heels. She rested one hand against his stomach just below his injured hand for a moment then hoisted herself up and off of him, scooping up her discarded shirt. He stood silently, watching her as she turned back to him.

“That was good.” Some semblance of tenderness had returned to his tone. He watched her muscles relax just a bit at the affirmation and took this as encouragement to come closer. She looked up at him her fingers slowly untangling the fabric in her hands. He reached out his uninjured hand, resting it on her bare waist drawing her to him but she resisted.

“I’m not sorry about that.” She said quietly her gaze flickering to his injured hand. He let out a short derisive laugh.

“You used your real strengths Neera. You were powerful, quick and brutal.” He watched her expression sensing some level of discomfort. “Your capabilities are far beyond what you were trained for.”

She watched him for a moment, a tiny smirk coming to her lips. She leaned into Kylo’s touch confidence blossoming under the praise, despite the conflicting emotions the session had caused.  “You have no idea” she murmured before turning from him and striding towards the door.  He watched her stride confidently out the door and disappear down the hall. He slowly re-dressed, careful to make sure each article was neat and intact for the short walk down the hall. In just a few hours he’d be presenting Neera as a new and active member of the First Order, as one of the Knights of Ren. She would undoubtedly appear as his right hand, as his apprentice, perhaps even as his partner. Even he could not wholly anticipate the reaction but he had to control that perception. Slipping on his mask he followed after Neera, they had a meeting to prepare for.


End file.
